Sunday, March 18, 2012


Today I noticed my imperfection and at the Mall of all places. I thought I'd take Annaleigh to the Mall so we could get some spring clothes for her and maybe some for me too. We arrived 20 minutes before the stores opened and I thought it would be a great time to walk the Mall.
We walked the whole mall a few times and every time I would catch a glimpse of my reflection and I didn't like what I saw starring back at me. Backside was just fine, and I actually admired the booty... not bad.

I looked closer and thought to see if my hair was still in place, looking at myself I looked like I was struggling to keep my shoulders up right; I looked like I was carry so much weight in front that I was looking like a fat person. Does that make sense?

 I know I'm fat, but looking in the reflection of myself, I looked as if I was uncomfortable and struggling to walk. I was unnerved by how my reflection made me feel right at that moment. Sadness and anger were quick to jump right in with my sudden resentment at my reflection.

How do I make this better? It isn't as I've never seen myself naked before, this was just different. The feelings were there and in chaos! Now, how do I move on and get over it? I refuse to punish myself and use food to make me feel better for a brief moment. I need to realize that someday I won't look like the woman who was struggling today in the reflection. It's my future goal to not look like that woman ever again!

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