Saturday, April 16, 2016

Unlucky In Life?

Will my luck ever change?

I even hate using that sentence. Luck has nothing to do with it, but complete dedication and yes those unexpected moments that kick you in the shin hard enough to bring you to your knees and feel tears slip down your face.

For the past two years I have had been kicked hard and at times I have felt like I just want to hide away and never make attempt to try anything ever again. The present has it's own issues and that is where I am at, struggling to help my mom who has had some issues with her knee and then of course when it's one thing something else happens, but she's a tough woman. I hope she knows she can count on me. She's always there for me; when I made stupid choices in love and when I been broken by betrayal. It was mom who held me up. She's my rock.

As I took more responsibility these two weeks, I realize, I really do need to take care of me first. How am I to help everyone else if I can't do simple things for me?

My first two weeks haven't gone as plan, but I do have 6 weeks left. Time to find the inner she beast... I know I'm in there somewhere.

Monday, April 4, 2016

8 Weeks

It started with an email... an email that reminded me that there are 8 weeks until Memorial Day.

What could I do to improve my weight loss in 8 weeks?

  • Log my food
  • Drink more water
  • Decrease soda
  • Start an exercise like walking
  • Cook meals at home
  • Take lunch to work
This is my challenge to make me, a better me. I can do this. 8 weeks is plenty of time to challenge myself. I'll never get anywhere if I can't set a goal. At the same time I am telling myself, "Wait Christine! You've tried all this before and you didn't get far..."
Alright conscience, you can back the @#%$ off!

I have a spark of motivation and ain't nothing going to step in my way! Not even my negative thoughts.

It's honest:

Sunday, April 3, 2016

April Already?

Wow, March ended so fast and I felt like a sick dog that whole month. April is here and I am feeling better, (fingers crossed!!!)

I am getting back on track.

Here is something new, I have noticed my tummy; muffin top protruding more than usual. I literally feel like I have a spare tire and I am not the only one who has noticed it either. Annaleigh was getting into the car after school and she gasped, "MOM, you stomach looks really swollen!" Not something someone wants to hear, especially from a loved one. My mother noticed today and says "Look at your stomach!" Again, not something I want to have someone point out to me. Trust me, I have noticed, it is my body. I can see the difference. It's not good and yes I am worried.

I have to get a hold of my life. It's time to quit living in my shell. I have been at this a long time and I am tired of not moving in the right direction.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Catching A Cold

Is it me or do my pants feel different today?  True I didn't have to do the pants dance to adjust my jeans from sliding down my butt today.  Trust me almost every one has at one time or another has done the pant dance... hips shake like Shakira and wiggle the pants upwards to keep from slipping downwards.

Well it's the evening again and I have been hit once again with the shakes and if coughing up your organs were possible... I'm so miserable.

I'm full of cold medicine, but if I don't get better here soon, I may need to just take my miserable butt to the doctor.

*Water Intake:   1-2-3-4
Adding one more glass to the day, improvement still needed

Monday, March 7, 2016

Monday Dilemma

Tempting the carb-aholic in me.

How am I to turn down the overly sweet strawberry cinnamon roll at work?  I had just had toast an hour and a half ago, now the invitation to a breakfast dessert.

The polite way would be to decline the tempting dessert or get a piece to take a bite or two and share the rest.  That was my solution for the moment of weakness.  Sharing has to be better than eating it all by myself.

That was this morning, tonight I am not feeling well. Coughing and feeling like I am about to catch a cold... I don't want to be sick. I hate being sick.  Crossing my fingers that I can stop the cooties in their tracks.

*water intake: 1-2-3
Definitely need to up my water intake.

Monday's always make me miss the weekends!

Sunday, March 6, 2016

The Downside

My body hurts. I would use the excuse that turning 40 in November of last year is the reason for the hurting, but I know it's being fat. My unhealthy choices have caught up with me.

F-A-T... I don't think I have really ever claimed out loud of being fat. It's not a nice word and it definitely doesn't make me proud or do my self esteem any justice. I now associate being fat with pain. Not every overweight person is going to experience the same problem, but for me, it is pain with my knees. Since the last two weeks my knees have been hurting, I have been walking with a limp and popping anti-inflammatory pills to get through the day. I am miserable.

Being overweight does indeed have it's downside... and I am not to happy with it.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Moving On

I'm taking the time to forgive myself for not being perfect! I apologize to myself for expecting that impossible perfection that truly doesn't exist.

I truly admire those who have themselves "together." It has been a long process to find what works for me and what hasn't. I do believe I have been in this trial and error phase for quite sometime. I put this failure label on myself when I can't win.

Once upon a time I told myself to be patient; that greatness happens with patience. I still find this to be true, but I also now realize that this "greatness" can only happen with working toward my dream. I can't expect a different outcome if I don't change or put the work towards my wants!


Sunday, February 28, 2016

A Setback

The month of February has been my set back.

I'm in the dumps.
I am aloud to feel this way and I want to make every excuse in the world as to why I feel my life is stupid and unfair and whine and blah, blah, blah.

I hate feeling like this, I don't want to have sleepless nights. I don't want to worry. I am exhausted of over thinking. I am tired of emotional baggage attempting to murder my happiness.

I need to reboot... where is my restart button?

I am ready to find balance again.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Simple and Special

I started Day 1 with a vengeance.

I cut out the soda.

I cut out my carbs; like bread and tortillas.

I am on day 11 and my vengeance is dwindling down, but bare with me. I know exactly what is the problem. I am lacking ... can you guess by now? It's the one thing that has kept me where I am... my lack of preparation! Wah-wah-wah!

I obviously know what the problem is and it's time to find a simple solution. I know myself well and if I create a system and color code and over do it. I won't use it and it will be another forgotten attempt in problem-solving my issue.

  1. Keep it simple.
For once I am going to use this as the beginning of every issue I may have in the future. I'll let you know how it goes, it may be a turning point for me.

On a special note:

Tomorrow is a big day for my daughter, Annaleigh. She will be a 14 year old and I will be a sobbing uncontrollably mom who will wish to keep her little girl tiny forever. I know I beg time to slow down; every holiday, every school year and at every birthday, but I can't help it. She's my world and yes I know eventually my world will go and do great things with her self and I only pray that she knows that she's amazing and strong and beautiful.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Here We Go 2016

2016 you are going to be full of surprises.

This is it, there is no reason to live in the past and dwell over failures or feeling like a 40-year-old divorce cliché/statistic. This is the year I realize how many dreams I want to finally achieve and kick fear on it's ass!

This is the year I make a little dent in my world for myself and I'm feeling pretty confident. I literally sat down and did a packet of papers to leave 2015 behind and decided what I wanted for 2016. Yes, many of us sit down and write down our resolutions, but this time it was different. I went in depth with what I disliked about last year and what I wanted for this year. Whether it's realistic or not I feel empowered and excited to move forward...

I'm rocking 2016 with a word in mind:

Why this word?
For me it means I'm not afraid to take that crazy step forward that seems to always immobilize me in the past. I am ready to have the adventure that allows me to explore my creativity. I am ready for the adventure with my family and friends. I am ready to have the last adventure with my health. I am ready to have the adventure with my life.
I walk in 2016 with confidence, excitement and a smile. I think that is all anyone ever needs, especially when you have emotions like mine.