Sunday, December 28, 2014

Nothing, But Feelings

Sorry for the emergency the other day. My sister, Tammy is pregnant and wasn't feeling well and I rushed her to the hospital, but all is well, just aches and pains that come with pregnancy. A relief!

I am on the anxious side this weekend. I feel like I am on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. So close and I don't know how to push past it. I just want to scream out of anger and hurt. Words that have been repeated to me through out this process..."Things always get worse before they get better." Why can't I just get to the better part, because I don't know how much more I can't take of the worse. I never thought myself fragile. I have strength, and pride, but it's not enough when my world is crumbling. The thing is I know someone out there is in more serious trouble than I am and I put shame on my shoulders for even assuming I'm at my worst place possible.

The new year is drawing near and I remember 2014 was going to be my year. It wasn't. I remember feeling worthy of having the best year possible. I still feel defeat.

Uuuggggggh! Can you sympathize with me or can you roll your eyes at me for feeling how bummed I am of late? I want out of this funk.

I apologize for this post... it just not me. It's on the lame side.

Friday, December 26, 2014

The Day After Christmas

I'm glad to report that I have survived Christmas. No breakdowns, or tears or angry outbursts. I did have to force the merriment out of me, but I assume that will be better next year. Time is my friend as I go through my emotional meltdown.

Can you guess I haven't been on my diet? I shouldn't let my emotions get the best of me, but I'm dealing with that too.

New Year's Day is right around the corner and I am focusing on resolutions. Goals, plans, and balance for me. I have some ideas for the coming year.

I have to cut this short, do to an emergency...

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Food Junkie

SO, I have had a rough week. No excuses to share, just honesty.
I have been a food junkie. Why? If you don't know me by now, its always the same answer....failure to plan ahead.
I would do great for breakfast if I had the time. There was a day or two when time didn't allow for me to eat breakfast. It's as if I may end up having to meal plan, but I always seem to buy more food than necessary and have food go to waste. Now that's a problem. I am on a budget.
My dilemma.
I always strive to be a perfectionist and I know perfectionism doesn't exist, nor do I really want to be. I want to strive to progress. Progress sounds so much better to me. It's as if I never want to stop learning, knowledge is important and knowing "everything" becomes the problem to not move forward.
Goal for this coming week... "Plan" to not fail. I'm going to sit down and write me some simple meal plans for this week and see how I can incorporate it into my day. I just have to remind myself not to go overboard with perfection... Keep-It-Simple.