Thursday, July 26, 2012

Square One, Again

Walking the plank of shame... I have to start at square one... again! I've been on this square for the longest time and haven't budged in the right direction.

I need to remember... what is the goal behind losing weight?

The goal is... to get healthy; to be healthy!

Here are my don't-want-to's...
I don't want to feel winded by taking stairs anymore. I don't want to feel my feet throb anymore. I don't want to feel my knees ache. I don't want to shop in the plus size section anymore. I don't want to fail anymore!

Here are my do's...
I do want to start working out! I do want to start eating better. I do want to have the energy to do everything! I do want to see the scale move down. I do want to drink more water. I do want to succeed!

Again, back to square one and praying with all my might to get moving in the right direction! Of course praying doesn't quite help too much to get the job done, but action does... I pray I get into taking action to get healthy!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


So confused and running my health to the ground... LITERALLY!

I haven't a clue as to what is going on inside my head... really!

I haven't had a decent day of healthy eating like I wanted to since the last time I blogged ... I have been stuffing my face with whatever I want and I am beginning to feel like a huge miserable failure!

It feels like I have gone back to binging and ask me what exercise I have done lately? Zero!

This past weekend I went on a weekend trip that required walking and climbing up steps.... I was winded and miserable because my feet and knees hurt!

I was a spectator, watching my husband and daughter become engrossed with activities that I felt I wouldn't be able to handle. I could scream at myself.

I never know what it's going to take for me to face reality and do what's best for my health! For all I know I'm a stroke, or a heart attack waiting to happen and apparently it's not enough to scare the living snot out of me!

I'm just so miserable... it should be enough. I have that same miserable voice that is just plummeting me to the ground with defeat! "Not dropping any weight, then what's the point of doing anything about it. You quit at a moments notice anyway. Eat whatever you want!"
That's the voice that has always wanted me to fail. I know I have the positive other side that breaks through with unbelievable motivation and trying so hard to get things done, but it never lasts too long. I lose motivation too fast.

I know there is no magic pill or a genie that will grant wishes.... I know it's called hard work. Hard work is going to get me where I want to be... a healthy person with the energy to do everything and anything.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Cheat Days... No More

Over the 4th of July and this weekend we had family over. You know what that means don't you? I let myself have a week filled with many cheat days. What are cheat days? Dumb question if I do say so myself. These are the days when I throw caution to the wind and eat whatever and as much as I want, whenever I decide I'm starving or want a snack. Cheat days are days of regret.

Believe me I am regretful and miserable!

I need to realize that cheat days don't exist and I need to remind myself to learn how to listen to my body. I know for a fact I function so much better without the coffee that's over laced with creamer! I can actually feel clear, level headed and my mood is just better!

I can just imagine how much this may affect my days if I followed through a clean day of eating. Would I be energized and could I function for the family? I like the sound of that! Energized and able to function for the family! It's possible, not a doubt that I can't make it happen!

So long cheat days, you don't exists any longer!

Sunday, July 1, 2012


My life is cluttered! At least that is how I feel at this moment. I decided to take the steps to declutter my home and myself. It's baby steps, but it's a start! Monday thru Friday I come home late and completely exhausted, I don't want to play with Annaleigh; I don't have the energy! I definitely don't want to clean house after a long taxing day. I just want to wind down and relieve my stress; put my feet on the recliner and do nothing!

I've noticed this week, maybe even before that, I have become lazy. Dishes were piling up and laundry was over crowding my bedroom. I was feeling overwhelmed as usual, but this time I got up and did something. I washed all my dishes and laundry is getting done.

I need to quit being lazy with my way of eating. I am going on day 3 without any soda, which has been a difficult thing to do. I go back to work tomorrow and I fear field trips with my kids, I have to avoid soda, no matter how much I think I'll need it! Last week I gave up my coffee, this week were are going to give up that soda for good! I need to pack a healthy lunch for myself this week. I'm going to tackle this will all my fierece determination!

I don't mind this new will for decluttering my life and my home. I'm hoping going to get it done, one step; one day at a time!