Monday, May 28, 2012

Back With A Can-Do Attitude

Back from my Girls just want to have fun-vacation! I had a great time with my friends. I'm still on Las Vegas time and can't quite go to sleep yet, so I thought I'd catch up with my blogging!

Lauren, Pam, Me, Audrey
My legs are so sore from all the walking and shopping. I don't know how people who go out on vacation eat healthy... the menu screamed unhealthy and the server always brought an over-sized portion platter. We had a blast! A well needed vacation for all of us. Now it's time to get back to work and enjoy the summer with my family!

Let me be honest, remember when I gave myself a "60 day challenge", we all know I failed... I gave up and became overwhelmed, lost motivation, felt stressed, couldn't cope with the stresses of my life and felt like trying was just a waste of time, especially when I wasn't seeing much results on the scale.

I CAN change my habits... for my daughter... for my husband... for me! It's my health and I should be strong enough to care about me. Changes CAN to be made and yes I will struggle, but I CAN get smarter, and I CAN be a better judge with eating and exercising. I have wasted enough time on not losing weight. I CAN succeed. I CAN do this!

Monday, May 21, 2012

A Rant Of Disappointment

Let's talk about ... DISAPPOINTMENT!

Disappointment is defined by me as letting oneself down; self sabotage; deliberate failure to one's own healthy objective.

WHY!? I don't know how many times I can ask myself this and think I have figured out the answer, but only I keep letting myself go back to bad habits. What is it going to take to get my butt to move forward?

I have felt so negative towards my losing weight, that I have really given up... my reason, oh I should just say excuses..

 I don't see the scale move down.... I get so frustrated.

If I had a great week and I worked so hard and then only to gain ... I feel like "trying" is  just a slap in my face.

What's left.... especially when I am not succeeding?

I having such a tough time with this lately and I can't seem to give myself strength to push forward through this moment.

I went shopping this past weekend with my friends to get our last minute cute clothes, and what I wanted was not in my size. It was a pretty disappointing shopping trip and of course I blame myself. This shopping trip could have been so much more fun if I had kept with my challenge/goal. I can't blame anyone for that, it was my responsibility; my goal.

I need to learn to deal with everyday life. Everyone has to deal with it, I am no exception, I need to learn how to deal with it better and openly instead of trying to squash my feelings and quit feeling so overwhelmed with little things that aren't important.

I just don't know......

Monday, May 7, 2012

19 days left

That's right, 19 days left until I'm off to Vegas with my girls for a WAY needed getaway! You know what I have notice and maybe you have too, is that I am a HUGE emotional eater! I can't seem to grab control of my feelings. When I'm upset I quickly turn to food and I don't know why especially after my binge I feel just as miserable as before...

I may need to carry around a journal to write down my feelings on a daily basis.

On another note... I miss working out. My morning workouts I use to use are no longer available and now I need to find something else to love. 19 days left to whip my a$$ into shape! Or at least get my groove back!

19 days left...

Friday, May 4, 2012

Back In Action

I have been M-I-A.... missing in action. I have no motivation, no go getting attitude. I was pathetic.

What started all this was a few weeks back when my dad thought he was having a heart attack and I was strong minded and did my best to have control of my emotions at the time. After his angiogram and echo results... all was perfect, he didn't need stints or anything. He's in great health... but then realization sunk in deep and hard. My parents aren't as invincible as I thought them to be. I couldn't shake the pressure off my shoulders.
No longer was I strong minded or had any control of my emotions... I simply felt overwhelmed with life... all that entails my life.... work, kid, husband, sisters, mother, father, every things else that follows me daily in my life.

I'm still struggling with it all. I can't seem to get my juggling act down. What irks me the most is even after we knew dad wasn't having a heart attack... I should have kept taken better care of myself. It should have been enough fear to make me get even more motivated. My family history is all about cardic disease! It should have been a WARNING sign for my health and my daughter's health!

Oh let's not get me started with my daughter... she is heading into her TWEEN PHASE.That means she's getting ready to enter teenagdom here in a few years. She has gotten down the all-about-me whining down. It's a battle this week. We are so much alike in attitude and personality. We clash and butt heads so hard this week. I feel like I have to prepare offenses and deal defenses. I feel like an awful parent with only rules and no time for fun, but giving Annaleigh an inch, is only getting a full yard approach from her.

I'm trying to deal with all the dysfunctional time, but so far no luck. I don't even know where to begin. How do I restart what I have been aiming for... a healthy lifestyle, a better relationship with my daughter, juggling work? How does every other woman do this and still manage to be sane through it all? That's a wanted secret!

I know it's Friday, and I have to refresh the can-do attitude! I want to get back the that place inside where anything and everything is possible!