Sunday, January 11, 2015

Mediocre, No More

I'm a simple kind of girl who just wants the simple kind of life.

You know that sentence right now sounds heavenly. SIGH

This past week has been a reflection, not a terrible thing to come face to face. The time is right to enjoy this NEW inner me. I kind of like this part of me who is focusing on only me. I don't feel selfish. I feel as if doing this I can enjoy my surroundings more and appreciate the people I love more.

Changing behavior is a slow process. Have you ever notice that? Especially for someone like me. Change is like plunging a dagger to my comfort zone. I dread change. I hate changing what works mediocre for me. I'm tired of settling for mediocre. This is the point in my life when I can't stand the mediocre solutions any more. Why did I ever think it was the best solution? I can't be afraid of the work that has to get me where I really want to be... and being where I want to be is unknown, but for once I'm not afraid to push myself ahead.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015, Here I Come

Ready or Not.
I am more than ready to have 2015 here. I know the next few months are going to be like I'm stepping on rocks just so I won't fall into hot melting lava. That's the picture I've put out there so you know how I feel like today.
Here in two weeks I come face to face with my daughter's father. I haven't seen him since she was in 3rd grade and that was 1 time in 2007 that I can remember. It's a child support thing and I honestly had been hoping that I could have been the one to support her with the new life I had built for us, but with another sore spot coming to an end, I know it isn't possible right now.
In these weeks coming up I am filing for divorce. It's like being at the center of a crowd and having rocks thrown at me. I had always told myself, that if I had ever married it would be once, forever and it blows me away that I lied to myself. There is no chance in reconciliation. No apologies, no fairy-tale ending of living the happy ever ending love story.
I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer", but I do see the positive of this. I not as frail as I lead myself to believe and I have the best kid who is fighting through her own demons. I only hope she knows that each step she takes I'm right there ready to stand in to help with her fight to push past this hurt.
I've come up with resolutions this year, which if you don't know by now, I don't like making any, because I usually just toss them into thin air and I forget them.
2015 Resolutions:
  • Budget To Save:  this is new for me. I never even consider saving money.  In the famous words of Dave Ramsey, Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else.
  • Write: I have written stories. I just never had the nerve to have anyone read my stories. I fear criticism, but sometimes that's not always a bad thing. Criticism can make me a better writer.
  • Travel: This one is going to tricky. I want Annaleigh and myself to see new places. Explore new places, enjoy the simple things.
  • Learn a language: This is something I have always wanted to do. French, Chinese have something I have always wanted to learn, but first improve on my Spanish. I would love to be able to have a random conversation with some tourist or myself being a tourist in there neck of the world.
  • Move: Right now we are living with my parents. This is tough. Us, Annaleigh and myself, have been an big impact on the lives of my family. I know they welcome us with open arms, but even sharing a bedroom with my daughter had it's disadvantages and I can only imagine a soon- to-be 13 year needs her space too. It's definitely up there with saving!
  • LCHF:  Low carb, high fat. That's right I haven't given up on my weight loss. I'm determined, this is what it will take for me to finally conquer my weight. Here's some good news with this I didn't gain the 10 lbs. this year. Again, I'm determined!
Here's to my beginning of 2015! If it's one thing I do know about myself, it's that I don't stand down or quit. There is still a lot of fight in me.