Dealing With Emotions

This week has been crazy... emotions are running high; dealing with friends, family and myself. How am I to keep myself from becoming insane? If I'm not careful I could let my emotions get in the way and the one I am avoiding is anger. It has already taken so much of me that I refuse to light its fuse.

In two weeks I have mediation with my soon to be ex-husband. I'm actually looking forward to this and praying all comes to an end of that chapter in my life. I am expecting simplicity, but I never know what is going to happen. I hate knowing the unknown.

Trying to keep my spirits up... I don't want to feel like I'm losing a battle with myself.

 

Coffee Confession:

I have tried to give up coffee. Sooo hard! I have cut back. I have cut back a cup and I am hoping I can stop by the end of October, which is on Saturday. Don't judge me. I didn't think coffee had such a strong hold over me.

Coffee Psycho

I'm finding it hard to give up the coffee. What to do?

Funny thing is that I use to never drink coffee up until I started working at my current job. I think it all started with peer pressure. Actually that's not true. It was more of a social pressure. Holy Moly... 8 years ago!

It began with a cup of coffee, then it became 2 cups and then 3 cups of coffee. This was causing me the jitters, especially on an empty stomach. It also began with every other day, until it became 5 days a week and now I'm including the weekends. Patterns and habits; the good and the bad.

Now I need break up with my loving coffee who has gotten me through sleepless nights, through days when I needed that extra pick me up and fought the cold mornings to warm me up.

Do I go cold turkey like I did with soda? Or do I start off slow and give myself time to adjust to leaving it? Perhaps I could give myself a better substitution for my morning drinking crack? I could go decaffeinated, but not an option.

So, I just realized I did not intend for this post be all about coffee. This just goes to show you how completely psycho, I am over coffee.

Goals

It has been over 2 weeks since I have been drinking water and skipping the soda. I'm excited to say I am kicking some serious ass with this goal.

This is what I have noticed about drinking water. These are my positive side effects.

• I have energy.
• My body is learning to feel full all on it's own.
• I am less bloated.
• I don't miss soda.

This was my September goals. I succeeded doing 2 out of 4.

September Goals

• Start LCHF
• Lose 5 lbs.
• Drink Water
• Avoid Soda
 

I have moved my undone goals onto my October goals and have decided to add two more new ones to my list.(Look to the side panel) I didn't lose 5 lbs., but that is okay. Numbers don't represent me, it's high time I realize that...

 

 

October has sneaked up on me. I feel like September didn't even happen. I'm just a bit behind, time to kick myself into high gear or at lease play catch up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember When

Sidetracked...

How does one get back on track? Somewhere along the way; years later, I have traveled all kinds of paths, only to realized I have come right back to the same place I began.

It's time to up my game.

How does one go about breaking bad habits? I have yet to figure this one out, but I guess this is as good as a time to figure it out for good!

I remember when I was in my teens .... OH NO! (...not one of those memories) this just reminds me of how much older I am becoming with a 40th birthday coming in November.

Continuing on with my ancient story...
I owned a sticker that has always made me feel unique, ballsy I might say.
It was just a one word sticker....

FEARLESS

 

I want to remember that unique ballsy feeling as I enter this weight game again. This reminds me of those people who said "I can't" and I want to show them I CAN!

 

I want to prove to my own self that I can finally do this and get healthy!



 



Change Accepted

Just a little persuasion, if you will.

A moment of clarity.

I am feeling fearless.

No explanation needed when I'm feeling this awesome.

I don't know what it is, maybe it's the hot weather, maybe it's the acceptance of being simply me, maybe it's the appreciation of the smallest of enjoyment. Whatever it is... I'm ready to step into my weight loss adventure with renewed vigor. I'm tired of the stalling or waiting for the "tomorrows" that are always put off until tomorrow. I'm inspired and in need to PROVE to ME that I can get where I want to be... healthy. I'm ready for change.

If you remember not to long ago, how I have feared change and cringe at the thought of it. Well I'm up for the challenge. If I don't accept change, everything and everyone will move into the next part of their lives and I will forever be left behind wishing alone. I'm embracing the change in my life. It's been unexpected and there is no running away, but to enter head on and know that I am stronger than I think. I have hit road bumps, jumped through flaming hoops, even riding emotional roller coasters, but still I manage to fight and forge on pure hope, faith and trust.

Emotional Wreck

"I get knock down, but I get up again!" Chumbawamba song... how many times does a person have to feel like crap in a lifetime?

I was doing great! I was feeling energized! I was feeling happy!

Was in past tense.

To bring you up to date... I'm full of anger. I'm full of hurt. I'm full of disappointment.

The Emotional Roller-coaster is on nonstop speed and trust me there are highs and lows and loop-da-loops, but I WANT OFF NOW!

The thing is I know why... at the end of June... I will have been separated from my soon to be ex-husband, a year. Since that day life has been a string of unwanted emotions. All I want to do is make peace with myself for feeling like I failed as a mother and wife. I want to make peace with the man I thought was my husband and a father to my daughter. I want relief from all these emotions that seem to sneak up on me at a moments notice.

I want to feel like I did a few months ago... great, energized, happy, where are those emotions?

I know ... they are lurking inside of me. I'm in need of Margaritaville, and even as I think about how nice that would be, I refuse alcohol until these hostile emotions leave me.

I've always known I was a passionate person, but I never knew how overpowering my emotions could over take my normal sanity. I fight everyday to keep from exploding in anger.

I refuse to give up that small spark of hope left inside of me.

HAPPY EASTER YA'LL

 

 

 

 

I have been feeling AWESOME! It's kind of silly when I read my last post in March and I really felt beaten down. Lately I don't feel like that at all. I feel happy.

 

I am not dating someone. I definitely don't need to be in a relationship to complete me. The only relationship I need for me right now is me. Nicely said, if I do say so myself.

 

I found my will and my motivation. I am deliriously ecstatic and about freakin' time!

 

I will be honest, I had to restart LCHF on Monday, March 23, 2015.  The main reason I got right down serious was my right knee was hurting me. I already have knee problems with my left knee after the care accident in December 2012.

 

This scared me straight, the last thing I want to be is a nuisance to my 13 year daughter or my family who already has to deal with so many other things in their life. I do not want to be another add onto their shoulders. I don't want to be an invalid and I want to be able to appreciate my days.

 

I been keeping a journal with me and jotting down little things that I have experienced throughout the first week.

 

 

 

Excuse the chicken scratch... This is what I felt the day before I started, I wrote everything that I was experiencing the day before I restarted my LCHF adventure.

The worsted moment I had on Monday was "The Headache!" The worst headache ever, I felt as if my brain was going to burst. It was terrible. Temptation was STRONG and I was so tired, energy was at its lowest.

 

Compare today and I feel energetic, and relax and dare I say HAPPY again. My knee is definitely so much better compared to the 22 of March.

 

Before I rant anymore, I'll say "Until next time."