Sunday, June 7, 2015

Emotional Wreck

"I get knock down, but I get up again!" Chumbawamba song... how many times does a person have to feel like crap in a lifetime?

I was doing great! I was feeling energized! I was feeling happy!

Was in past tense.

To bring you up to date... I'm full of anger. I'm full of hurt. I'm full of disappointment.

The Emotional Roller-coaster is on nonstop speed and trust me there are highs and lows and loop-da-loops, but I WANT OFF NOW!

The thing is I know why... at the end of June... I will have been separated from my soon to be ex-husband, a year. Since that day life has been a string of unwanted emotions. All I want to do is make peace with myself for feeling like I failed as a mother and wife. I want to make peace with the man I thought was my husband and a father to my daughter. I want relief from all these emotions that seem to sneak up on me at a moments notice.

I want to feel like I did a few months ago... great, energized, happy, where are those emotions?

I know ... they are lurking inside of me. I'm in need of Margaritaville, and even as I think about how nice that would be, I refuse alcohol until these hostile emotions leave me.

I've always known I was a passionate person, but I never knew how overpowering my emotions could over take my normal sanity. I fight everyday to keep from exploding in anger.

I refuse to give up that small spark of hope left inside of me.

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