A Rant

I just don't want to be a disappearing act.

I've talked about how I began gung-ho when I started out writing this blog. I had been inspired and motivated to start a journey toward becoming healthy. There had been brilliant, and heart warming people that I felt a certain kinship with... their struggles were my struggles or their journey was incredible. Slowly the majority of my inspiration have now succeeded or other obligations have altered their path and priorities have changed.

I have struggled with my weight since the beginning and my motivation has dwindled, perhaps more like a yo-yo; up and own. I'm still here, I have yet to succeed or yet to complete my goal, but I'm not willing to go any where just yet.

I have more to learn about myself and more to understand about myself.

Retraining The Brain

My head feels like a jumbled mess. Retraining my brain is a workout in itself. This makes me wonder if my subconscious is in a battle of wills!

Stubborn to the core--- may seem literal after all.

I need a layout; a plan. My brain tells me I need routines and reminders.

I need to start keeping a journal; keep a list of everything for a few weeks. For example, when and what I eat, how I feel before and after I eat, when the cravings begin and what is the craving, have I slept at a decent hour and how many times I have waken up through the night. Sounds like I might be jotting down like a mad scientist.

I need to figure out something and I need to start now.

Chew

Tip that may help me in the long run... CHEW!

This is actually hard for me to do. It takes 20 minutes to feel full, but I can eat in 5 minutes when I'm starving and still feel empty even afterward.

Now this is going to take time getting use to and I will have to remind myself every time I have a dish before me to take a bite, put my fork down and chew, chew, and chew.

It's worth and try.

Slip Up

Had a bad day... yesterday.

Although I was prepared for the day. It didn't go according to plan and I slipped up towards the evening meal.

I felt defeated and my stomach was telling in not so nice ways, that I had failed.

Today I woke up and instead of giving up, I continued my day with a vengeance. No slips ups and no caving in to my weakness, Sugar.

A slip up doesn't mean I've quit. It's means I still have weaknesses. I still have to learn how to handle them. I'll figure it out. Give me time.

Bailing On Sugar

Oh, I have splitting headache!

So I'm trying my best to cut out sugar and holy heck this headache is hurting my brain.

It's only for a week, but OUCH!

I must confess, it's not easy. Here's why... every time I see a commercial with delicious creamy pasta or fresh baked bread or desserts that look like they might melt in my mouth, I want to binge. I'm just pitiful at the moment. The good news is I haven't caved in and that counts for something in my book.

Now here's a good tip... EVERYTHING seems to have sugar. It's hidden ingredients and it's complicated ingredients. I have to start somewhere and again that's where baby steps help me along my journey. Eventually my goal is to avoid processed foods, but for now some shakes are keeping me from over eating.

What?

When I said I was not going to diet, my sub-conscience heard "Let's go crazy and eat whatever and everything we want!"

BIG MISTAKE!

I'm in trouble, so how do I get myself out?

To Diet Or Not To Diet?

I don't want to diet!

I literally can imagine myself, feeling like a toddler in a kicking and screaming mood, shouting at the top of my lungs...

I DON'T WANT TO DIET! 

I know dieting doesn't work. I always feel deprived and when I do give myself permission to have "a little" taste. I snap and indulge too much.

 

My question is how do I not diet? I really want to figure this out. I have been on the diet mentality for many years. Although it may work for a few days; a few weeks; even a few months, I always lose and gain the weight back, plus more. The honest truth, dieting is not helping me. It's time to break the diet cycle.

I know, I know.

I almost feel like I am setting myself up for even more failure, but I have failed at dieting and dieting has failed me. You should see the impressive collection of diet books I have collected through out the years and recently. It's time to put an end to my diet obsession and collection.

I no longer have a forbidden list of what I can't eat in my life.

This is my new adventure and I'm excited to see where it leads me.