Back To Life, Back To Reality

 

The title says it all. I have literally been in a hellish nightmare and just now I feel like I am putting my crumbling self back together... crumble by crumble. I do believe I have a long way to go, but that in itself IS progress.

I keep telling myself that I am going to get back to blogging and back to losing weight. The inner voice tells me "tomorrow", but tomorrow is always further away, until today.

I'll keep this detail brief....

My best friend, my husband, the man that I thought I would go old with is no longer in my life. I'm struggling to put him away from my thoughts. I have to move on and make a better life for me and my daughter. I want her to know that she is the love of my life. She comes first and our life is different, but we are in this together.

I am pushing myself forward with my diet also. I do know that I am an emotional eater. Not news to me, I have known this for sometime. I'm jumping on the band wagon again. I pray for the last time.

 

I didn't give much information, but know this... prayers are always welcome for me and my daughter. I pray that Annaleigh is brave and strong through this time. I pray that I can get her and myself through our ordeal and fight our way toward happiness and love.

 

 

 

Success!

I just started last Thursday, The Low carb, High Fat diet... and if you've been reading this blog since 2011, then you know I SUCK at losing weight. I struggle and usually past GO only to return and reset myself again. Failure has been a big part of my journey. Several obstacles and bumps and most importantly the biggest thing called LIFE.

I've lost weight.

Take a wild guess this time around? Any guesses?

When I started Thursday, June 5, 2014 I weighed 275... My weight now... 268! You saw that right, 7 POUNDS! I have NOT budged from the scale in the 270's in such a long time, I almost feel like I am dreaming. I'm so excited and have been keeping my excitement to myself, except to tell my husband.

Here's the scoop on my 7 lb. secret ... my sister has been struggling to lose weight to fit into her wedding dress. I know how hard and frustrating that can be. For weeks now, she seems to be killing herself with Water aerobics and going to Curves to workout and she hasn't lost any weight. I can't share my success with her right now, because I know how it feels when your doing everything to lose weight and nothing is happening. Then later to hear about someone else's weight loss and they didn't do the hard work! It's unfair and makes us want to throw in the towel and quit. I've been there, done that.

I can't tell my best friend either. She's been on a weight loss program for 4 weeks and it is costing money. She heads in the clinic every Wednesday to get her results. It's working, but probably not at the pace she would prefer. I'm her support/cheerleader. The first week she lost 6 lbs. which is great, and up to know 12 lbs. down, but I know she could do it without the prescribed medication especially when she worked so hard to get her liver enzymes back to normal. I'm doing my best to keep my weight loss a secret from her, just because I know my friend and she'll feel pressure to do better. It's not a competition between us. She had always been smaller than me, for sure. I don't want her to feel like I'm making a bigger splash than she is, which would only shake her up.

I love my sister and my best friend. I also know they love me and I refuse to be discouragement for them. For now I'll share with my husband... it's between me, my husband and you. This low carb, high fat diet seems to be working for now. I'm ecstatic!

Don't get me wrong, I really miss eating bread and donuts, or having a beautifully loaded baked potato and French fries, or having some deliciously saucy spaghetti and creamy fettuccine... but right now the 7 lbs. down in ONE week, out weigh the missing carbs!

Oh and by the way... when May ended I did lose my 5 lbs. and made my goal, but I also gained 3 back, but it's all working out, 7 down!!

Salt Addiction

I have been having an argument with myself. Over my worst habit at the moment. I can't seem to live without...

I have tried to go without it, but it seems impossible. I don't feel like a salt-a-holic, but I do believe if I had to take one item with me to a deserted Island I think I might take salt. I beginning to see that it may be my choice of "drug." My next question is how do I undo this without having a break down. What other alternatives are there? Healthy ones... I already know the best one is to avoid salt like the plague, but there has to be a way to get to that point. I just want the will power to stop putting salt on my food.

I have

            days to go.

 

 

5lb. goal still in progress.



Count Down

I'm giving it all she's got captain!

No not really.

Intimidated on this day.

It seems that everyone and anyone is on some shake or program for losing weight and I'm twiddling my thumbs. They are so excited and pumped up and I feel blank. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's just the way I feel today.

My count down has begun... 5 lbs. in 18 days. Let's get ready to rumble!
I'm so old school, it's kinda scary...

Feeling Discouraged

Yup.

Last week, was a long hard week. Worked late. Felt out of sync with everything, especially myself. Not prepared. I definitely put myself at the last of the list and I never got to me.

Today I am exhausted. I need some major sleep. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can't pinpoint the culprit.

Irritated and moody. I want to feel good, how does one crazy week ruin good work? I could just yell!

I've set myself a goal for the rest of May. There is 18 days left as of tomorrow. I have given myself the goal of losing 5 lbs. I know what you're thinking..

"5 lbs. that's easy."

My response: "Not for a girl who is taking medicine for her thyroid. My metabolism is on vacation."

Which really sucks. If you're young or healthy right now, this is my advice. Take advantage of being young, you can lose weight faster. If you don't have anything wrong with you; you are not taking any medications, you can lose weight faster.

If you are on the same boat like me... then grab a life jacket and let's stay afloat.

Working harder and proving everyone around me wrong... that's my point.

18 days... it can be done. 5 lbs. it's a goal; a point that I HAVE to prove to myself.

I'll spare you a selfie. I'm not photogenic. Say Cheese!

Down 3

THE SCALE MOVED DOWN!

Did you read that? The bathroom scale moved down! I can even taken it further, 3 lbs. down.

3 lbs. D
            O
               W
                   N

I haven't been down 3 lbs. in what seems in my world FOREVER AGO. I struggle to keep my mind at ease when I don't see the scale move down or freak out when it heads up.

I don't know what has done it. The green tea? The eating breakfast? The cutting back on fast food? The cooking at home? Taking my lunch 2 days last week to work?

How about... all of the above?

I don't know what is the difference. I do know I just want to keep going strong. Failure or fear keep on moving... it's been here far too long. I'm ready for a new add-on's like confidence and determination.

I looked silly today, I laughed and whooped for joy! Whooped for joy.... yes I did that. Is it possible? Just ask my kiddo, she awoke and looked at me strangely, but then she got me doing some crazy dance called "The Nae Nae." Makes me feel like I'm a drunkin' beauty queen waving...


This quote is fitting for today...

Black Sheep?

I took my lunch Monday and Tuesday. I have to admit. I felt a little left out when the other ladies were eating differently. Like the black sheep of the family. Someone made a comment, that they smelled onion. Onion is not liked by some ladies at work, but I personally LOVE sautéed onion. I've come a long way. I couldn't stand it when I was younger. I love them, but they'll have to get over the onion smell. Enough said.

Honestly I actually felt that I had the best lunch. I had energy when I was done and didn't feel sluggish. My friends were complaining how tired they had become or they needed chocolate, but I didn't feel like that. I was ready for round two.

Next week I am going to plan a little better. Either make extra for dinner or make more lunches that will last a full week. I still don't have it all figured out yet, but I have to say 2 lunches made from home is nice on my energy level and on my wallet!

Nicely said.