Fear And Frustration

I wish I could say, hey I've lost  20 lbs since the last time I blogged on here, but the fact is I haven't lost anything! Oh frustration has set in and I'm at my witts end! My month on weight watchers was a no go for me. Counting points is just not for me. I truly believe if I went to meetings it might be different.

The last post in October was about my family being overweight. The days are just zooming on by and before I know it, the holidays will be right around the corner and I feel as if we will need to prepare for dooms day and this shouldn't have to be the case for us.

I'm having trouble getting myself back on track. I am apparently maintaining a three pound gain and three pound loss. This would be great, if I was at my goal weight! I'm unmotivated and feel pressure on myself to get my family involve with getting healthy! I honestly don't know where to begin! Life seems to be a little more complicated lately and I feel as I can't take control of situations and when I feel as I have no control, I feel as I might explode into a billion of unidentifiable pieces!

Maybe I'm making excuses for fear of succeeding; but who does that? It's what I want; I want to succeed and I want my family to succeed! I've asked myself these questions many times before but I don't ever have the answer. I have to delve deep into my self conscience and who knows what might come to surface.

Something's gotta give!

Overweight Problem

One of the worst things I can hear as a parent from Annaleigh's pediatrician is "She's overweight. She needs to lose a couple of pounds." These were words spoken from our pediatrician last week at Annaleigh's well check.

Yesterday, it hit home even more, when Annaleigh said "I had a bad time in P.E., Mom. I was the last one running in my class and it really hurt to breathe."

There was a quick flash back to the time I was in P.E. and I was the overweight kid running in last and trying my best to catch my breath. A repeating pattern? Have I failed as a parent? I'm really upset with myself. I'm the parent, I'm responsible for this and I don't know where I have gone wrong!

When I think back to when I found out I was pregnant with Annaleigh, I wanted my unborn baby to have the best and be the healthiest. I avoided soda. I was always on the move; walking. Instead of gaining weight, I lost about 30 lbs. Annaleigh was born and her feeding schedule was always exact and never more than she needed.  As she became a toddler, I was the mommy who refuse to give her candy or juices. TV time was limited and she LOVED vegetables.

Where did I go wrong? How do I fix this? Will she grow up to be a 35 year old woman with an overweight problem like me?

I've taken a close look at my family. This is what I have realized....

The three of us ARE overweight as a family!
We need to get our ACT together as a family!
We have NO EXCUSES for not being able to succeed as a family!

Everyone has to be on board in order for the three of us to get moving. A family meeting? It's a start.

Lost Motivation

There is a few weeks left in October and I have yet to make any goals for some time now. Of course we all know losing weight is my main goal. I am feeling lost and confused about the whole process. I am beginning to see a pattern here. Every couple of months I am going through a "spell" of lost and confusion ... I don't know what this means. If you read any past blogs, I'm complaining about losing weight being difficult, but then I say I can't give up or quit. My motivation is down! I feel my energy slipping. My workouts are non existence for about a month now due to a hurt knee.
How do I go about regaining my motivation?
I may need to post flyer's around town:

                                                          LOST MOTIVATION
If you find my motivation, could you direct it back to me as soon as possible? I'm missing it desperately!

I'll find my grove again. I know this rut can't last forever!

Back to the October goals, I have about two weeks left, give or take. I'm going to aim for a four pound loss. That's realistic for me and this may give me that renewed momentum I'm so desperately seeking!

This Is Hard

I am so tired of trying to lose weight! I'm tired of trying to watch what I eat. I'm tired of counting points, given I have only been on Weight Watcher for almost a month. I'm tired of having a hurt knee. I'm tired of losing and gaining the same few pounds. I'm tired of being fat.

That's my Sunday morning whine!

Losing weight is hard. I don't think I have ever really said those words before and maybe I have, but this time around I'm really feeling the pressure. The pressure isn't coming from anyone, but myself. The pressure to succeed with weight loss and seeing the same numbers is just devastating and truly disappointing to me.

Also, just when I think I have figured something about my weight problem, I take on a new direction. How do I succeed? I've made changes. Lots of changes, but these changes aren't enough to help me move forward.

What's my next move? How do I connect the pieces to my very own weight loss puzzle? Frustrating.

Struggle Update

I'm struggling on Weight Watchers.

I feel nuts for typing that sentence. It's not difficult. I log in my points on a daily basis and still I manage to not lose weight. I know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not eating the RIGHT kinds of foods. I have given myself the OKAY to eat what I want... whatever it may be as long as I'm logging and using my daily points.

I'm on a mission this week to figure it out. No more eating all the WRONG kind of foods. I need to up my game for losing weight. My sister has lost a total of 35 lbs in a little under 3 months and I can't seem to do that.... Inserting frustrating scream here....!!!! I'm so excited for her and totally envious! My sisters and I have been struggling with our weight for most of our lives. There comes a point in our lives when we know it's time to make a change for the better!

Another struggle I'm forced to deal with, is an injured knee. I only did two workouts this week and two the week before just because my knee is giving me problems. I don't know what to do, I can't stop working out! This is just adding more obstacles for my journey. How do I get through this without ready to throw in the towel?

Giving up is not an option!

Underestimating WW Points

Today Annaleigh, Betty(my mother in-law) and myself had lunch at Chili's. I was hungry and ready to eat. I choose to  build my own lunch combo, which entailed a delicious half California turkey club with a small amount of fries and a house salad, dressing on the side. I came home to track my meal on Weight Watchers online and OUCH! Even ordering the half size meal was still a huge dent in my points! What gives? Am I going about this the wrong way? Obviously I'm doing everything wrong; going out to have a meal is just not my cup of tea. Apparently I can't choose the best option on the menu for me.

I have to remember ... just because I'm on Weight Watchers I still have to reflect on the better choices for each day. I definitely know that I'm eating when I'm starving, which is bad, very bad! I'm waiting too long to have a meal or snack. I'm not prepared and working is ABSOLUTELY cutting into my focus time. I have to pull a plan of action together!

Where to start?

Weight Watchers?

I'm desperate! I feel like I'm trying so hard and flailing through my diet choices! Going back to work has put a dent in my plans. My active calorie diet seems a bit more demanding then I expected. I have been thinking Weight Watchers Online. I don't think I have the time, just yet, to attend meetings, but I am curious. My younger sister use to be on this program and lost a good amount of weight, but then she gained it back, which is a bit daunting for me. Counting points?

I don't need a diet, I need a lifestyle. Obviously I need something new and different. If I add weight watchers, I cringe at the next diet drama I have developed...

Weight Watchers it is... (hands clasped in prayer and teeth grinding action).