Friday, May 4, 2012

Back In Action

I have been M-I-A.... missing in action. I have no motivation, no go getting attitude. I was pathetic.

What started all this was a few weeks back when my dad thought he was having a heart attack and I was strong minded and did my best to have control of my emotions at the time. After his angiogram and echo results... all was perfect, he didn't need stints or anything. He's in great health... but then realization sunk in deep and hard. My parents aren't as invincible as I thought them to be. I couldn't shake the pressure off my shoulders.
No longer was I strong minded or had any control of my emotions... I simply felt overwhelmed with life... all that entails my life.... work, kid, husband, sisters, mother, father, every things else that follows me daily in my life.

I'm still struggling with it all. I can't seem to get my juggling act down. What irks me the most is even after we knew dad wasn't having a heart attack... I should have kept taken better care of myself. It should have been enough fear to make me get even more motivated. My family history is all about cardic disease! It should have been a WARNING sign for my health and my daughter's health!

Oh let's not get me started with my daughter... she is heading into her TWEEN PHASE.That means she's getting ready to enter teenagdom here in a few years. She has gotten down the all-about-me whining down. It's a battle this week. We are so much alike in attitude and personality. We clash and butt heads so hard this week. I feel like I have to prepare offenses and deal defenses. I feel like an awful parent with only rules and no time for fun, but giving Annaleigh an inch, is only getting a full yard approach from her.

I'm trying to deal with all the dysfunctional time, but so far no luck. I don't even know where to begin. How do I restart what I have been aiming for... a healthy lifestyle, a better relationship with my daughter, juggling work? How does every other woman do this and still manage to be sane through it all? That's a wanted secret!

I know it's Friday, and I have to refresh the can-do attitude! I want to get back the that place inside where anything and everything is possible!

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