Forge Onward

Words for my year in review... Weight struggles, giving up, unmotivated, realizations, inspired, captivated, sincere and aha! In summing my year up I believe that I need to forge onward in a strong healthy life.

2013 Resolution List

•  Start off by shedding the 1st 10 lbs.
•  Keep a clean house
•  Write more
•  Throw a fabulous dinner party
•  Go dancing with my husband
•  Plan more girls night out with Annaleigh
•  Work out
•  Eat at least 1 to 2 veggie meals a week
•  Stop being a couch potato
•  Cook at home
•  Avoid the restaurant scene
•  Start my bucket list

 

Leaving 2012 behind with positive momentum and carrying it over to 2013!



 

 



AHA

Realization number one.... let's call it an AHA moment for me.

Putting on the weight didn't happen overnight! Aha... and taking off the weight is not going to happen overnight. I know it's not rocket science, but I expect the unexplained miracles. I seem to always complain when I don't see the scale moving down, especially when I FEEL I have worked so hard that week. Wah, wah, wah, whining and crying over the same thing is not going to get me any where! Giving up is not going to get me any where either.

So what I have learn is that I can't snap my fingers and ...

... expect to lose weight. Losing weight is going to take time, because now that I realize there is no quick fix or magic to transform me into a lovely healthy beauty. I'll graciously accept that and remind myself that taking steps to being healthy is a start!

Grateful

Last week, on Wednesday, 12/5/2012  to be exact I was in a car collision. The other driver was at fault, but it was the most disturbing, frightening moment of my life. I felt like a little girl when I realize that car was aiming right at me and when I knew there would be no way to avoid contact and then wait for that split second for impact.
I'm OK, I'm bruised and banged up, but I keep reminding myself that I could have been worse off. I have a sprain knee and have a brace on and left the hospital in crutches. I was the only one in the car, thank GOD. I'm more of a nervous wreck when I think about "What if Annaleigh had been in the car with me?", then I get emotional and am thankful she was not.
Past few nights I wake up sweating reliving the collision and wake up so stressed out. My husband assures me that everything will be fine. I only pray it will be so!

I haven't been eating much and I haven't weighed in, so I'm on a mission. First things first, recuperating, keeping off my leg until I can see an orthopedic Dr., who by the way, his office ruined my appointment this past Wednesday and can't see me until 1/2/2013. This was upsetting and I could have cried! I know people make mistakes, but I could have avoided my mother-in-law driving me and an awkward walking with crutches into the building and office.

Again frustration!

I'm upset, yes, but when I see all the horrors on the nightly news I'm grateful to be alive to appreciate my family and love every one of them another day.

Focus

Focus.... that's what I need at the moment!

I forgot how hard it is to focus on myself.

I am proud to say, I am having little "aha" moments, which is so refreshing for once. I was getting frustrated and was beginning to overwhelm myself. I was wondering what would be the best day to get back on the wagon to get healthy, and came to the conclusion that there is no time like the present! I'd like to claim today as a small step to success. Feels good!

Small steps will lead to Big steps! I need to remember that always!

Surviving Thanksgiving

I have survived Thanksgiving!

Whew!

It was tough!

I'm not one to refuse a delicious homemade meal. There was turkey and ham, sweet potatoes and dressing, pies and cakes. OH MY!

I had to share my time and family with my lovely in-laws and I'm not exaggerating either. I absolutely LOVE my in-laws!!! I visited with my parents and family from out of town. In all honesty, just being surrounded by family was my most enjoyable moment.

Now, it's only 32 days til Christmas! I can't make the excuse "There's no point in watching what I eat, I'll start my diet in the new year." Moving on!

I'm simply going to focus on succeeding!

A Thin Me?

Is there a thin person in me?

Have you ever read those successful stories that say they always knew there was a thin person inside? I'm a little nervous, because I'm not sure if there is a thin person inside me.
I kind of laugh at the thought, a thin me? Please! A silly image comes to mind and not sure that I can pull it off.

I do feel that there is a healthy person inside me just wanting to break free of all this process food. After taking a close look at what I eat... you could call me a Process Queen or a Fast Food Queen. It's disgusting really! I have to admit I'm a little more than ashamed and feel like a food whore!

I'm going to have to start over, which is like teaching an old dog new tricks. Alright, I'm being over dramatic again. I can do this, no sweat. I do know that process food is convenient, but filled with all the wrong things! I'll just have to cook from scratch. Sounds intimidating, but I have always loved cooking and I do have a 10 year old who needs to learn to get around the kitchen. She'll love helping me prepare our meals.... I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Over Thinking

Let's not over think this...

I have filled my brain with constant information of being healthy. I'm a collector of diet books... a impressive collection with loads of information, half the time contradicting each other. I'm a terrible fad diet book buyer; meaning every new year I go to the bookstore to purchase the new craze diet books that well shrink belly fat; make me a former fat girl, or cook myself thin, eat this and not that... and as crazy as it sounds I love reading those book and trying them out. There are times when I do feel like I have energy and can conquer anything, but I become over loaded with diet information and I fall off the wagon.

Over thinker, over eater, over analyze... let me not over do this any longer.

I like inspiring sayings... one of my favorite things about keeping myself motivated is to find positive ways to keep me going.... that will be something I will start again.

Here's one for today:

Refusing Defeat

I'm in the middle of feeling defeated... everything seems to be going wrong and who's at fault?

I AM!

How do I rectify my own traitorous behavior?

I can only do so much harm to myself by overeating or binging; eating the wrong kinds of foods and eventually IT WILL catch up with me and I will have ruined my health; my life!

I'm tired of my blog sounding like a rant of self destruction. It's miserable and it makes me sound miserable and for that I apologize. In the beginning when I started this blog, I wanted to document success and get past the hardships of dieting. I was excited and I wanted to finally cure myself of being fat. Right now I feel helpless and a little lost.

How do I turn around this downfall?

I know I need to get serious and I have to definitely start turning my health around. I have so much to live for and I really want to do everything without feeling like I can't because of my weight.
It's time to eat to live, not live to eat!

Doom and Gloom

I have failed to sustain a postive path to healthy eating and exercising...

Why is this so hard? I have weight loss journey blogs, vlogs, videos, articles, books; all the fitness information at the tip of my finger and yet I seem to fail every day with my choices. I just don't understand my way of thinking! I know I don't want to be fat anymore. I know that's what I am, so why can't I just move forward. I have that motivation, apparently its not enough. I have the best support group in the world; lots of family and friends... they should be enough, but it's not!

Am I doom to fail... constantly?

I'm feeling like a failure once again and that is what ticks me off the most! I'm at it again! I jump on the weight loss band wagon and there I go, taking a dive into an tempting plate of unhealthy food!

I feel like a loser right now and should made to wear this shirt for being pathetic!

Then maybe I should get stoned by rocks for being so negative.... jeez... I'm all doom and gloom today.

Aaachhooooo!

Well it's Saturday and I have been sneezing like a weirdo... this is new, I have never done this... allergies? I never had them before, is this what getting old does to me? If it is, then this totally sucks!

I'm feeling tired and sluggish today. You have to forgive the whole "I'm lost" mood for the day. I'll get over this quick, because I have to take steps to losing weight a little further, but today and once I pop a pill to tame these "allergies", then I'll be back with a vengeance, Weight loss ninja style...?

I'm a little loopy ... just forgive me for the meantime.

It's About Time

I'm up and running! Not literally, but my Internet service is!

I am needing to get up early and I am back at square one. Getting up early is the last thing I want to be doing, but I need to do it.

It's so hard getting back into routine, but I'm in desperate need to get my chaos back in order. Isn't it just crazy how time flies by; I felt like summer was just starting and already we are about to be in fall, what's the deal?

Life's adjustments are needed and I need to just catch up with the rest of the world!

Temporarily Out Of Service

Just wanted to let you know I have not fallen off the face of the earth.

 I'm standing strong, I have beat the soda cravings and kicked my headaches to the curb!

My Internet service has been temporarily out of service, but should be officially working on Monday, I hope! (Using my Sister's computer in the meantime.) IT'S BEEN A MENTALLY CRUCIAL TIME!

My snack theory is still in affect! In fact, I'm not craving snacks, which is odd, especially when I'm prepared for hunger. I did great choosing 2 days for having lunch with my friends. I still have to remind myself to drink my 8 glasses of water, but it is being done! Still counting calories, still taking the time to pay attention to my goals. I'd like to focus much more on taking my lunch and having breakfast and supper needs to be in more control this coming up week!

Preparing

I feel as if I am preparing for battle. The plan of attack... PREPARING!

Check out my start of my snack boxes... left box is filled with Dole pears in light syrup, Quaker Peanut butter and chocolate chip granola bar, Peanut butter to go, and dried freeze fruit. The right box is filled with grapes, an apple, 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese and a babel cheese, you can't see. Remember this is suppose to work for me throughout the week.

My lunch is also prepared, a ham and turkey cheese sandwich on a whole wheat thinwiches, with Quaker sour cream and onion pop 'ems, cucumbers and a plum. I didn't know I had it in me.

Not the best of choices, but it's a start and making changes and substitutions; it's a beginning!

Goal Setting Day

1. Must eat Breakfast.

I know I thrive better during the day if I have made me a healthy breakfast to start my day off.

2. Water intake must meet the full 8 glasses a day.

Especially now that I am on day 5 of drinking my water and turning my nose up at soda!

3. Give up my 5 days a week coffee cup.

That's right, I only drink coffee during the work week, usually because the night before I have tossed and turned waking up super tired and coffee gives me that PICK ME UP. Remember I'm guilty as charged for adding coffee to my French vanilla creamer , NOT the healthiest way to drink coffee.

4. Make a 5 day snack box to last the work week. (5 refrigerated items and 5 portion controlled)

I saw this idea on pinterest and thought what a great idea! There will be NO EXCUSE to binge on junk food, when I have brought healthy snacks to eat!

5. Give myself (2) allowances to eat out at work with friends throughout the week.

This goal is allowing me to be able to still socialize with my friends during lunch.

6. Take lunch 3 times out of the week; must include a veggie and a fruit.

That being said, I have to start to take more control of what I am putting in my mouth. I want to be able to eat vegetables and fruits daily, because if I took a closer look at my diet now and I can tell you I don't eat enough of either.

7. (1) night vegan dinner/vegetarian dinner/meatless

Now this is pushing past my comfort zone. I love eating meat, whether it's chicken or beef, it's time to start cutting back and adding more veggies to OUR dinner time.

8. Morning workout Tabata training 20 sec workout/10 sec rest= 4 minute total. Include a evening walk around school or neighborhood at least 3x's a week.

Working out has been far off my list and I know I am out of shape, but when I think back when I first tried this Tabata training I felt good and I thrived in the mornings and that's what I need to get myself up and moving. The evening walk, I want to be able to include my family too.

What do you think? Too many goals to start off? I thought it might be at first, but then I thought "comfort zone", I never push past it. Becoming comfortable for me, means I don't move forward. Challenging and changing is what I need and want to be doing for myself from here on out!

Thinking GOALS

Headache pain is almost gone... I could do flips and cart-wheels, but I don't need to break anything! Friday once again and I am going to savor my weekend! I'm crazy about my weekends if you haven't notice yet!

I spent today organizing my thoughts and setting goals for myself. I realize goals are very important. I use to set losing pounds as a goal, but I would always get flustered and upset for not reaching that 10lb. loss goal. I am going to focus on other goals.

Setting goals is a good way to finish and advance into succeeding! After I review a little more on my goals I'll post about them. Goal number one today is to tame the almost gone soda headache!

Addict To Soda?

 

UPDATING THIN-SPRIATION WISDOM...

 

 

Listen, today is just been a blah day, so the only thing I can focus on is that I am beating my soda craving, no soda whatsoever! The headache is still with me ... it comes an goes at the oddest moments, like when I'm relaxing or if I start to thirst for soda. Ever heard that soda can be an addiction? I feel like an addict, especially with this head pain.

 

This kind of makes me wonder what else am I addicted to? It's scary to think about it. There are so many chemicals going into our food and the articles I have read lately hint at chemicals causing cancers, heart disease, and other sick diseases. I'm taking small steps and I hope I'm not too late for myself.

It's Back!

Day 2 with doing great on drinking water! I have a headache that comes and goes now. A friend offered to buy me a drink, which I was tempted, but I had been so good and couldn't destroy my little progress. It's monumental to me!

Could it be? Is it really back?

Oh please don't leave me again, Motivation! We are on a mission impossible task to kick my butt into gear!

Happy Headache Monday

Y'all will never believe what I have accomplished today... it's huge!

I didn't have any soda!!!! B-U-T... my head hurts like hell.... this withdrawal is painful! Killer headache!

I may need to buy me some Crystal Light just to change up my plain water into some flavor.

I took my oatmeal to work today for breakfast and have enough left for tomorrow! I must say little accomplishments are big steps for me!

I'll keep at it and on Saturday I'll start adding exercise to my day. Maybe walking or Tabata Training... which is 20 seconds working out hard and 10 seconds break for 4 minutes. I'm going to start off slow. Goals are important!

Lazy Labor Day

As the world turns...

It's Monday and I am being lazy and no I'm not watching soap operas.... I gave that up long time ago, but I still have the best guilty pleasure... bosom, heaving, romance novels!

But, if I'm not gasping or feeling delicious shudders with my book, I've been surfing the web looking for weight loss ideas, weight loss motivation, weight loss journeys and have come to a conclusion... I need to find my own ideas, my own motivation and fulfill my journey. It's all been on standby.

I've taken the first pains to start counting calories again. I don't want to counting calories for the rest of my life, but I do need to know what is going into my mouth and how much of it!

Well, now I'm going to spend the rest of my day enjoy being at home and read fantastic novels!

Brutal

Blast it all, I have been impatiently waiting for Friday and here it is... I'd like to take a moment to take a breath and release.... AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh! Nice!

You ever have those days, when you absolutely feel pretty and think you look pretty, but one glance in the mirror and it changes the way the way you feel about yourself. In fact, I laughed at myself for even thinking I could absolutely "think" I looked pretty!

What's worse ... I begin to feel sorry for my family... my poor daughter has a "big mom" or my poor husband has a "fat wife", or poor me, I have always been the "big friend"...

No one has ever called me those names, at least not to my face, but they have crossed my mind and it makes me feel like a complete disappointment. I'm tired of asking how or why and ready to start doing something about being fat!

It didn't take me a few days to get fat... It has been years and years brewing. I let myself believe that I can't take the stress or I'm overwhelmed, but when I get down to it, it's me making excuses, judging myself, and doubting me! I don't know what has gotten into me, but I am fed up with all the above!

Sometimes, being brutal, in other words honesty is a sign, and a reminder to move my ass and stop whining about being fat!

Happy New Year!

No I haven't lost my mind ... yet!

I was just thinking, I usually get so pumped up and make New Year's Resolutions, which LOSING WEIGHT has ALWAYS been at the top of my list! I need to psych myself out and regain some composure, because as I type away, I'm flailing into disappointment and losing myself along the way.

Summer has come and about to be gone. My life is flashing so fast and I can't seem to get myself to shift in the same direction! I know what I want, I know what I need to do and yet I don't make a move to go after it and I can't explain it! It's driving me crazy! As if you couldn't tell...

I have gained 10 lbs., you saw that right. A 10 lb. gain, since I posted my last weigh-in and it's unacceptable!

I feel so restless and I am tired of being tired. What really pisses me off, is that shedding tears is not going to get me where I want to be! I know I need to PROMISE myself to commit and there's no better place than here where I first started with a PROMISE to make myself healthy! I'm so #$#)*# ready to get this started... I could scream, but I'm tired of being dramatic!

So...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

MY RESOLUTION FOR THE NEW YEAR IS TO LOSE WEIGHT!

Need.... Water

In need of more H2O... water if you please!

I had a better day of eating, but my water intake is terrible! What happened to me? I use to be able to gulp water like no tomorrow and I liked it. Now it's forcing me to get back with the program. Water is GREAT for my body; this I know.

I guess when I get off track I really derail from the positive path to getting healthy!

In all fairness, I need to pretend I'm still young and can cruise on by with eating or drinking whatever I want... can I say "getting older" is going to kick my ass, if I don't shape up now!

Daily Dilemia

I have been having a daily dilemia with food!

I'm my own worst enemy when I'm around food! Why can't I snap out of it?

Motivation, where is it?

Square One, Again

Walking the plank of shame... I have to start at square one... again! I've been on this square for the longest time and haven't budged in the right direction.

I need to remember... what is the goal behind losing weight?

The goal is... to get healthy; to be healthy!

Here are my don't-want-to's...
I don't want to feel winded by taking stairs anymore. I don't want to feel my feet throb anymore. I don't want to feel my knees ache. I don't want to shop in the plus size section anymore. I don't want to fail anymore!

Here are my do's...
I do want to start working out! I do want to start eating better. I do want to have the energy to do everything! I do want to see the scale move down. I do want to drink more water. I do want to succeed!

Again, back to square one and praying with all my might to get moving in the right direction! Of course praying doesn't quite help too much to get the job done, but action does... I pray I get into taking action to get healthy!

Miserable

So confused and running my health to the ground... LITERALLY!

I haven't a clue as to what is going on inside my head... really!

I haven't had a decent day of healthy eating like I wanted to since the last time I blogged ... I have been stuffing my face with whatever I want and I am beginning to feel like a huge miserable failure!

It feels like I have gone back to binging and ask me what exercise I have done lately? Zero!

This past weekend I went on a weekend trip that required walking and climbing up steps.... I was winded and miserable because my feet and knees hurt!

I was a spectator, watching my husband and daughter become engrossed with activities that I felt I wouldn't be able to handle. I could scream at myself.

I never know what it's going to take for me to face reality and do what's best for my health! For all I know I'm a stroke, or a heart attack waiting to happen and apparently it's not enough to scare the living snot out of me!

I'm just so miserable... it should be enough. I have that same miserable voice that is just plummeting me to the ground with defeat! "Not dropping any weight, then what's the point of doing anything about it. You quit at a moments notice anyway. Eat whatever you want!"
That's the voice that has always wanted me to fail. I know I have the positive other side that breaks through with unbelievable motivation and trying so hard to get things done, but it never lasts too long. I lose motivation too fast.

I know there is no magic pill or a genie that will grant wishes.... I know it's called hard work. Hard work is going to get me where I want to be... a healthy person with the energy to do everything and anything.

Cheat Days... No More

Over the 4th of July and this weekend we had family over. You know what that means don't you? I let myself have a week filled with many cheat days. What are cheat days? Dumb question if I do say so myself. These are the days when I throw caution to the wind and eat whatever and as much as I want, whenever I decide I'm starving or want a snack. Cheat days are days of regret.

Believe me I am regretful and miserable!

I need to realize that cheat days don't exist and I need to remind myself to learn how to listen to my body. I know for a fact I function so much better without the coffee that's over laced with creamer! I can actually feel clear, level headed and my mood is just better!

I can just imagine how much this may affect my days if I followed through a clean day of eating. Would I be energized and could I function for the family? I like the sound of that! Energized and able to function for the family! It's possible, not a doubt that I can't make it happen!

So long cheat days, you don't exists any longer!

Decluttering

My life is cluttered! At least that is how I feel at this moment. I decided to take the steps to declutter my home and myself. It's baby steps, but it's a start! Monday thru Friday I come home late and completely exhausted, I don't want to play with Annaleigh; I don't have the energy! I definitely don't want to clean house after a long taxing day. I just want to wind down and relieve my stress; put my feet on the recliner and do nothing!

I've noticed this week, maybe even before that, I have become lazy. Dishes were piling up and laundry was over crowding my bedroom. I was feeling overwhelmed as usual, but this time I got up and did something. I washed all my dishes and laundry is getting done.

I need to quit being lazy with my way of eating. I am going on day 3 without any soda, which has been a difficult thing to do. I go back to work tomorrow and I fear field trips with my kids, I have to avoid soda, no matter how much I think I'll need it! Last week I gave up my coffee, this week were are going to give up that soda for good! I need to pack a healthy lunch for myself this week. I'm going to tackle this will all my fierece determination!

I don't mind this new will for decluttering my life and my home. I'm hoping going to get it done, one step; one day at a time!

Breakfast Experiment

We all have been told over and over again that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have been eating breakfast this week and not just any breakfast, fruit. Now, this is where I get so confused, I have heard and read that fruit has so much sugar that it's not good for you or your body. I have heard that if a person does eat fruit, it should be fruit that contains less sugar content, such as blackberries or raspberries. My new recent reading book, says I can eat as much fruits as I want or at least the maximium of four daily.

My morning experiment this week is eating fruit for breakfast and drinking water instead of coffee. I find this makes my mornings kick off to a great start! I fill up on energy and don't have that morning start sluggish feeling. I can tell the sluggish feeling leaves quickly and I'm not heading out of my work room for the 3rd time to get a huge cup of coffee filled with French vanilla creamer to keep me going till lunch. This week experiment is going fabulous.

Next week I'm going to start to add salads to my lunch. I'm still drinking soda, which is so much harder to give up this time around. I find I really don't care for the taste of soda anymore, but I drink it out of habit.

Habits... they are hard to break! I'm trying to relay to my brain, that it's filled with the bad sugar and chemicals, which is bad for me and my health!

If only my brain could take the hint!

Commitment

Commitment

This word has meant so much to me.

Commitment is defined in the dictionary as, "a pledge or promise, obligation."

I promised my daughter, Annaleigh, I'd be the best mother to her, when I thought long ago it would be just me and her.

I pledged my heart to my husband, Mark, who has almost always been patient, understanding, loving and has always made it a priority to be in Annaleigh's life. He has never tried to make me choose and knew Annaleigh would come first in my life and now his. For that I am so lucky to have found him.

I now find myself with a failing obligation to me. I have been trying to get healthy and failing miserably. I have let myself down so many times. I have struggled over and over again. I realized that I am FINALLY tired of the word "trying" and more than ready to give myself the full obligation that I should have done long ago.

I commit; pledge; promise; give total obligation to me, myself and I!

Energy, Please

Low on energy.... how's that for starters? Work has been exhausting; putting in full time and boy I'm feeling the effects of taking part-time for granted during the school year. I'll be starting over time next week so this will be an interesting summer.

I know what I need to be taking seriously and that is figuring out how to take healthy lunches and/or snacks to work. Let's not forget finding the time to eat them and still keeping my eyes on my kiddos! If I'm not careful, our field trips will end up making me more fat! I can only eat so much McDonald's or Burger King, or Pizza before I puke! Soda, well I love my soda and I need to rid myself of it, A.S.A.P!

Today's words of wisdom...

So I Have An Idea

Right now my brain feels like it is going to explode after giving myself a surf the web with weight loss and healthy eating topics. Do you know there is so much information out there? It's basically everything I have ever read, seen or heard and now I have a headache! It's just too much information for someone  like me to take in all at once.

I'm on a desperate mission. I have made it my mission to give my family a better healthy eating options for dinner. We are usually all together for a sit down dinner. To be honest last month I didn't cook much and we ate out so much I'm sick of it! I'm more guilty than Mark and Annaleigh... I'm eating out at work also, so that makes me terrible for wasting money on fast food and poor choices times 2!

But... I have this idea...

My family and I need better choices for dinner and WE need to prepare them together. This is the idea... I already have a plan meal Monday thru Friday. Some of these meals are new to us, but we need change. I have gotten my recipes from blogs that I have read and love, and from healthy books that I have collected throughout my plan to get healthy.

Here's my momentum for today...

Back With A Can-Do Attitude

Back from my Girls just want to have fun-vacation! I had a great time with my friends. I'm still on Las Vegas time and can't quite go to sleep yet, so I thought I'd catch up with my blogging!

Lauren, Pam, Me, Audrey

My legs are so sore from all the walking and shopping. I don't know how people who go out on vacation eat healthy... the menu screamed unhealthy and the server always brought an over-sized portion platter. We had a blast! A well needed vacation for all of us. Now it's time to get back to work and enjoy the summer with my family!

Let me be honest, remember when I gave myself a "60 day challenge", we all know I failed... I gave up and became overwhelmed, lost motivation, felt stressed, couldn't cope with the stresses of my life and felt like trying was just a waste of time, especially when I wasn't seeing much results on the scale.

I CAN change my habits... for my daughter... for my husband... for me! It's my health and I should be strong enough to care about me. Changes CAN to be made and yes I will struggle, but I CAN get smarter, and I CAN be a better judge with eating and exercising. I have wasted enough time on not losing weight. I CAN succeed. I CAN do this!

A Rant Of Disappointment

Let's talk about ... DISAPPOINTMENT!

Disappointment is defined by me as letting oneself down; self sabotage; deliberate failure to one's own healthy objective.

WHY!? I don't know how many times I can ask myself this and think I have figured out the answer, but only I keep letting myself go back to bad habits. What is it going to take to get my butt to move forward?

I have felt so negative towards my losing weight, that I have really given up... my reason, oh I should just say excuses..

 I don't see the scale move down.... I get so frustrated.

If I had a great week and I worked so hard and then only to gain ... I feel like "trying" is  just a slap in my face.

What's left.... especially when I am not succeeding?

I having such a tough time with this lately and I can't seem to give myself strength to push forward through this moment.

I went shopping this past weekend with my friends to get our last minute cute clothes, and what I wanted was not in my size. It was a pretty disappointing shopping trip and of course I blame myself. This shopping trip could have been so much more fun if I had kept with my challenge/goal. I can't blame anyone for that, it was my responsibility; my goal.

I need to learn to deal with everyday life. Everyone has to deal with it, I am no exception, I need to learn how to deal with it better and openly instead of trying to squash my feelings and quit feeling so overwhelmed with little things that aren't important.

I just don't know......

19 days left

That's right, 19 days left until I'm off to Vegas with my girls for a WAY needed getaway! You know what I have notice and maybe you have too, is that I am a HUGE emotional eater! I can't seem to grab control of my feelings. When I'm upset I quickly turn to food and I don't know why especially after my binge I feel just as miserable as before...

I may need to carry around a journal to write down my feelings on a daily basis.

On another note... I miss working out. My morning workouts I use to use are no longer available and now I need to find something else to love. 19 days left to whip my a$$ into shape! Or at least get my groove back!

19 days left...

Back In Action

I have been M-I-A.... missing in action. I have no motivation, no go getting attitude. I was pathetic.

What started all this was a few weeks back when my dad thought he was having a heart attack and I was strong minded and did my best to have control of my emotions at the time. After his angiogram and echo results... all was perfect, he didn't need stints or anything. He's in great health... but then realization sunk in deep and hard. My parents aren't as invincible as I thought them to be. I couldn't shake the pressure off my shoulders.
No longer was I strong minded or had any control of my emotions... I simply felt overwhelmed with life... all that entails my life.... work, kid, husband, sisters, mother, father, every things else that follows me daily in my life.

I'm still struggling with it all. I can't seem to get my juggling act down. What irks me the most is even after we knew dad wasn't having a heart attack... I should have kept taken better care of myself. It should have been enough fear to make me get even more motivated. My family history is all about cardic disease! It should have been a WARNING sign for my health and my daughter's health!

Oh let's not get me started with my daughter... she is heading into her TWEEN PHASE.That means she's getting ready to enter teenagdom here in a few years. She has gotten down the all-about-me whining down. It's a battle this week. We are so much alike in attitude and personality. We clash and butt heads so hard this week. I feel like I have to prepare offenses and deal defenses. I feel like an awful parent with only rules and no time for fun, but giving Annaleigh an inch, is only getting a full yard approach from her.

I'm trying to deal with all the dysfunctional time, but so far no luck. I don't even know where to begin. How do I restart what I have been aiming for... a healthy lifestyle, a better relationship with my daughter, juggling work? How does every other woman do this and still manage to be sane through it all? That's a wanted secret!

I know it's Friday, and I have to refresh the can-do attitude! I want to get back the that place inside where anything and everything is possible!

Just 30 Days Left

days left til my all out "girls just want to have funcation!!!" I think we are all ready for a little vacation!

Yesterday's rant was just what I needed to get to today; if that makes any sense.

Here's a little wisdom I need ...

On A Emotional Rant

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I have just been overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in a constant panic mode and I don't know how to push the off button that has switched on inside of me!

Not to be negative, but boy life can be such a beeootch! I need to take back control. My life feels disorganized and I feel like I'm carrying tons of weight on my shoulders. I feel like quitting and throwing caution to the wind! I also feel like a freakin' worry wart!

So how do I get past all the negativity this time? I almost feel like its just not worth all the work that is not getting me any where! I'm failing!

I need to relieve this tension and I don't know how to go about it. I want to move past this now.

I want to feel confident, determined, strong, encouraged and so much more. I so ready to kick this rut's ass to the curb and push past it! I deserve the best and I deserve to give it to myself! I'm worth it, always have been!

There's no point in rummaging through all this emotional garbage; the past can't help me and the present will be future regrets if I don't get a handle on myself!

I apologize for ranting, but geez, I feel lost and I'm trying to get back on track.

It's Time

What do you do when the unexpected happens? There is no me, myself and I at that moment. Everything shifts along with all the "me" priorties. That's ok, but now everything is getting back to "normal" and I need to concentrate on me and my family!

This unexpected turn of events, just makes me realize that I want to be on the right track to live a healthy life! I don't want loved ones to worry... ever! I'm recommited, refocused and ready to get it in gear. I'm tired of repeating the same thing over and over and pretending that I'm doing something different! I deserve to give myself every thing I have to succeed. I have the tools and knowledge to move in the right direction! Now I will get myself moving; physically and mentally. NO MORE EXCUSES! I'm so through with those... excuses have never kept me on the right path.

It's time!

Countdown Continues

Day

 I'm going to keep this post positive. Yesterday I had a lazy day where I caught up on well needed sleep and enjoyed the day to myself. A little selfish, but I can't stress how much I needed it!

Today's weigh in is not good, but I know why it's up 3 lbs., and I will be glad when it gets back to normal.

I need my workouts so I can feel better! I haven't been working out and to be honest this could explained the whole moody, destructive, irritable person I am becoming again. There IS something to this working out thing!

Falling off the workout wagon is tough and disappointing, especially when it makes me feel great. Wish me luck...

Can't Compare

Have you ever done this? I use to compare myself to others all the time. The worst habit I picked up sometime when I was a kid. I finally stopped when I realized it was hurting me more than helping me. Every journey or decision is different. Some journeys have better success,  while others need a HUGE kick in the butt! Um, meaning me.

I'm on a journey and I have to get it all together. I don't want to feel like a failure every day.

Stressed

Stressed...

Biggest culprit this week. Work has been crazy, frustrating, loud and just plain insane! I don't know how to cope well with stress... if I'm not careful I could easily eat my way through this stress and that would only add the pounds back up!

Isn't that just evil? I saw this and it had never crossed my mind, until now!

I'll have to think on this and learn how to manage stress a little better. A time out for me may be the way to go.

Moody

Last night I was down in the dumps, feeling full and super miserable and to top it off, I got mother nature showing up a little earlier than usual! Mean old bat!

I'll have to be on guard during this time, I get carried away with food. I just want to eat everything in sight.

I'm still upset, I'm wondering where my competitive edge went...

I was a force to be reckoned with, now I feel like a wimp who is just whining about all the deliberate excuses to ruin my little success.

The count down continues... Day 44 out of the way, Vegas will be here before I know it and I want to be in better shape to take on sin city and see EVERYTHING this time around!

Relapse

I just need a weekend do over! I feel like I'm missing something and I can't put my finger on it!

Annaleigh and I had dinner with my mom and my younger sister. Oh boy, my sister, Tammy out did dinner tonight, it was soooo good and of course I over ate and now I'm miserable! What's the connection? Why don't I stop with one serving? It's delicious, but it's no excuse to forget to feel full and know when to stop!

I'm feeling off my game today. I started my morning and afternoon with determination and it has waned as I got to my parents for dinner.

Relapsing in mood and overeating for the day.

I hate feeling this way!!!

A Good Day

Happy to report that today I'm back on track. I feel wonderful despite the extreme craziness at work. It's a hectic Monday all in all, but I've survived the worst I think, for now.

It's easy to tell when I'm eating healthy food and when I'm not choosing the right kinds of food. I did my best to avoid soda today and have succeeded!

This is true, I'm taking little steps to get where I want to go with a healthy lifestyle, but eventually I'll get there!



Down One

Day 47 is weigh in day.

ONE pound down. I was going to beat myself up over this one pound, but I came across a picture and one pound is great!

I do need to take this to heart... it really grosses me out and it's enough to make me move my rear into gear!

(Don't have pictures to share... your welcome....my daughter used my camera and ran the battery dead with her creative inventions.)

Better Late Than Never

I'm having a late night and don't know if I'm coming or going...
Tomorrow is weigh in and yeah I am a bit nervous just because I'm having an off week!

Going to catch some Zs!

Soda Binge

Once again this morning I awoke TIRED... EXHAUSTED... GRUMPY...IRRITATED. Can you tell already where this day has gone?

Sadly, I have gone on a soda binge today. Water... didn't exist in my day AT ALL! I'm guilty as charged for not in taking WATER. I know it's the best choice for my body, so what's the excuse? I don't have one.

I was like a addict drinking my soda like it was water, such a stupid choice; a choice that I made again and again and again. Now, late this evening I'm feeling so sick to my stomach. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E that is the only word to describe how I feel at this moment!

What do I know??? I feel like this whole week has been terrible, like a fraud! Why am I having set backs? I just need to look in the mirror and put on a stern face and gripe myself out!

"Your either in or your out!"

"I'M IN!!!"

I'm having a cowardly break down. Today I just wanted to go back to old habits and that's just leading to failing.

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Day...

not so bueno!

Could Of Been Better

Day

I'm off my game today! I have to make this post another short and sweet, have a slumber party in process and have to make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

To give a quick update, today could have gone better with my eating choices. I'm doing my best to get my water in. I'm feeling pretty drained, my energy level is at a blah level!

Dinner was not the best. I keep reminding myself, having two slices of pepperoni pizza is an accomplishment, when I'm so use to eating 4 huge slices, but at the same time, I know its a mood altering food for me. I feel bloated and uncomfortable! I didn't work out today, but I'll have to make sure I get it in tomorrow!

When did girls get so loud at slumber parties? Hmm, funny, but I could have sworn we were way much more quieter... my parents would say otherwise, I'm sure!

Short and Sweet

I'm on day...

and the only thing I can think to say is...

Off to go workout!!!