Miserable

So confused and running my health to the ground... LITERALLY!

I haven't a clue as to what is going on inside my head... really!

I haven't had a decent day of healthy eating like I wanted to since the last time I blogged ... I have been stuffing my face with whatever I want and I am beginning to feel like a huge miserable failure!

It feels like I have gone back to binging and ask me what exercise I have done lately? Zero!

This past weekend I went on a weekend trip that required walking and climbing up steps.... I was winded and miserable because my feet and knees hurt!

I was a spectator, watching my husband and daughter become engrossed with activities that I felt I wouldn't be able to handle. I could scream at myself.

I never know what it's going to take for me to face reality and do what's best for my health! For all I know I'm a stroke, or a heart attack waiting to happen and apparently it's not enough to scare the living snot out of me!

I'm just so miserable... it should be enough. I have that same miserable voice that is just plummeting me to the ground with defeat! "Not dropping any weight, then what's the point of doing anything about it. You quit at a moments notice anyway. Eat whatever you want!"
That's the voice that has always wanted me to fail. I know I have the positive other side that breaks through with unbelievable motivation and trying so hard to get things done, but it never lasts too long. I lose motivation too fast.

I know there is no magic pill or a genie that will grant wishes.... I know it's called hard work. Hard work is going to get me where I want to be... a healthy person with the energy to do everything and anything.