Grateful

Last week, on Wednesday, 12/5/2012  to be exact I was in a car collision. The other driver was at fault, but it was the most disturbing, frightening moment of my life. I felt like a little girl when I realize that car was aiming right at me and when I knew there would be no way to avoid contact and then wait for that split second for impact.
I'm OK, I'm bruised and banged up, but I keep reminding myself that I could have been worse off. I have a sprain knee and have a brace on and left the hospital in crutches. I was the only one in the car, thank GOD. I'm more of a nervous wreck when I think about "What if Annaleigh had been in the car with me?", then I get emotional and am thankful she was not.
Past few nights I wake up sweating reliving the collision and wake up so stressed out. My husband assures me that everything will be fine. I only pray it will be so!

I haven't been eating much and I haven't weighed in, so I'm on a mission. First things first, recuperating, keeping off my leg until I can see an orthopedic Dr., who by the way, his office ruined my appointment this past Wednesday and can't see me until 1/2/2013. This was upsetting and I could have cried! I know people make mistakes, but I could have avoided my mother-in-law driving me and an awkward walking with crutches into the building and office.

Again frustration!

I'm upset, yes, but when I see all the horrors on the nightly news I'm grateful to be alive to appreciate my family and love every one of them another day.

Focus

Focus.... that's what I need at the moment!

I forgot how hard it is to focus on myself.

I am proud to say, I am having little "aha" moments, which is so refreshing for once. I was getting frustrated and was beginning to overwhelm myself. I was wondering what would be the best day to get back on the wagon to get healthy, and came to the conclusion that there is no time like the present! I'd like to claim today as a small step to success. Feels good!

Small steps will lead to Big steps! I need to remember that always!

Surviving Thanksgiving

I have survived Thanksgiving!

Whew!

It was tough!

I'm not one to refuse a delicious homemade meal. There was turkey and ham, sweet potatoes and dressing, pies and cakes. OH MY!

I had to share my time and family with my lovely in-laws and I'm not exaggerating either. I absolutely LOVE my in-laws!!! I visited with my parents and family from out of town. In all honesty, just being surrounded by family was my most enjoyable moment.

Now, it's only 32 days til Christmas! I can't make the excuse "There's no point in watching what I eat, I'll start my diet in the new year." Moving on!

I'm simply going to focus on succeeding!

A Thin Me?

Is there a thin person in me?

Have you ever read those successful stories that say they always knew there was a thin person inside? I'm a little nervous, because I'm not sure if there is a thin person inside me.
I kind of laugh at the thought, a thin me? Please! A silly image comes to mind and not sure that I can pull it off.

I do feel that there is a healthy person inside me just wanting to break free of all this process food. After taking a close look at what I eat... you could call me a Process Queen or a Fast Food Queen. It's disgusting really! I have to admit I'm a little more than ashamed and feel like a food whore!

I'm going to have to start over, which is like teaching an old dog new tricks. Alright, I'm being over dramatic again. I can do this, no sweat. I do know that process food is convenient, but filled with all the wrong things! I'll just have to cook from scratch. Sounds intimidating, but I have always loved cooking and I do have a 10 year old who needs to learn to get around the kitchen. She'll love helping me prepare our meals.... I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Over Thinking

Let's not over think this...

I have filled my brain with constant information of being healthy. I'm a collector of diet books... a impressive collection with loads of information, half the time contradicting each other. I'm a terrible fad diet book buyer; meaning every new year I go to the bookstore to purchase the new craze diet books that well shrink belly fat; make me a former fat girl, or cook myself thin, eat this and not that... and as crazy as it sounds I love reading those book and trying them out. There are times when I do feel like I have energy and can conquer anything, but I become over loaded with diet information and I fall off the wagon.

Over thinker, over eater, over analyze... let me not over do this any longer.

I like inspiring sayings... one of my favorite things about keeping myself motivated is to find positive ways to keep me going.... that will be something I will start again.

Here's one for today:

Refusing Defeat

I'm in the middle of feeling defeated... everything seems to be going wrong and who's at fault?

I AM!

How do I rectify my own traitorous behavior?

I can only do so much harm to myself by overeating or binging; eating the wrong kinds of foods and eventually IT WILL catch up with me and I will have ruined my health; my life!

I'm tired of my blog sounding like a rant of self destruction. It's miserable and it makes me sound miserable and for that I apologize. In the beginning when I started this blog, I wanted to document success and get past the hardships of dieting. I was excited and I wanted to finally cure myself of being fat. Right now I feel helpless and a little lost.

How do I turn around this downfall?

I know I need to get serious and I have to definitely start turning my health around. I have so much to live for and I really want to do everything without feeling like I can't because of my weight.
It's time to eat to live, not live to eat!

Doom and Gloom

I have failed to sustain a postive path to healthy eating and exercising...

Why is this so hard? I have weight loss journey blogs, vlogs, videos, articles, books; all the fitness information at the tip of my finger and yet I seem to fail every day with my choices. I just don't understand my way of thinking! I know I don't want to be fat anymore. I know that's what I am, so why can't I just move forward. I have that motivation, apparently its not enough. I have the best support group in the world; lots of family and friends... they should be enough, but it's not!

Am I doom to fail... constantly?

I'm feeling like a failure once again and that is what ticks me off the most! I'm at it again! I jump on the weight loss band wagon and there I go, taking a dive into an tempting plate of unhealthy food!

I feel like a loser right now and should made to wear this shirt for being pathetic!

Then maybe I should get stoned by rocks for being so negative.... jeez... I'm all doom and gloom today.