Simplicity At Its Best

Since Thanksgiving, I have been grateful and enjoyed making memories with my family. Instead of focusing on dieting, I have been enjoying food. I must admit, giving myself leave to indulge in favorite foods, loses it appeal in so many ways.

I have only one goal in mind for my December goals and it's simple too:

Enjoy the month of December.

No pressure on myself.

I do have other little goals, but they have nothing to do with weight loss, such as organizing my daily routines, de-cluttering my room, get a resume done and again spending quality time with my teenager.

A Little Wisdom

Days are just flying by ... I feel like I am looking at my life zip on by and that little thing we call "Regret" is beginning to call to me.

If I want something better I have to push out of my comfort zone.

I turn 40 yesterday... I am waiting for a mid-life crisis to sneak attack me, but I don't have time to dread the future, because right now I want to appreciate the present and as for the past, where I have made mistakes or failed at relationships, I'm taking my experience and taken my lessons with me for my unforeseen future. I'm ready to work on me and love on my daughter and cherish my family and make the most of our moments. Hey look what being 40 has done... do I declare a little wisdom from me?

It's November Already

Did I imagine October?

Let's give an update on my October goals:

October Goals

• Start LCHF
• Lose 5 lbs.
• Food Log
• Ditch Coffee

That's right, I only accomplished 2 goals out of 4.

Yes the coffee goal is kicking my butt, although I am cutting down. As for my LCHF, (low-carb, high-fat) I'm just not prepared like I should be to succeed. Moving those goals to November.

I have a birthday coming up ... The Big 40... I thinking about hiding out in my room, but maybe I'll feel different come November 7.

Dealing With Emotions

This week has been crazy... emotions are running high; dealing with friends, family and myself. How am I to keep myself from becoming insane? If I'm not careful I could let my emotions get in the way and the one I am avoiding is anger. It has already taken so much of me that I refuse to light its fuse.

In two weeks I have mediation with my soon to be ex-husband. I'm actually looking forward to this and praying all comes to an end of that chapter in my life. I am expecting simplicity, but I never know what is going to happen. I hate knowing the unknown.

Trying to keep my spirits up... I don't want to feel like I'm losing a battle with myself.

 

Coffee Confession:

I have tried to give up coffee. Sooo hard! I have cut back. I have cut back a cup and I am hoping I can stop by the end of October, which is on Saturday. Don't judge me. I didn't think coffee had such a strong hold over me.

Coffee Psycho

I'm finding it hard to give up the coffee. What to do?

Funny thing is that I use to never drink coffee up until I started working at my current job. I think it all started with peer pressure. Actually that's not true. It was more of a social pressure. Holy Moly... 8 years ago!

It began with a cup of coffee, then it became 2 cups and then 3 cups of coffee. This was causing me the jitters, especially on an empty stomach. It also began with every other day, until it became 5 days a week and now I'm including the weekends. Patterns and habits; the good and the bad.

Now I need break up with my loving coffee who has gotten me through sleepless nights, through days when I needed that extra pick me up and fought the cold mornings to warm me up.

Do I go cold turkey like I did with soda? Or do I start off slow and give myself time to adjust to leaving it? Perhaps I could give myself a better substitution for my morning drinking crack? I could go decaffeinated, but not an option.

So, I just realized I did not intend for this post be all about coffee. This just goes to show you how completely psycho, I am over coffee.

Goals

It has been over 2 weeks since I have been drinking water and skipping the soda. I'm excited to say I am kicking some serious ass with this goal.

This is what I have noticed about drinking water. These are my positive side effects.

• I have energy.
• My body is learning to feel full all on it's own.
• I am less bloated.
• I don't miss soda.

This was my September goals. I succeeded doing 2 out of 4.

September Goals

• Start LCHF
• Lose 5 lbs.
• Drink Water
• Avoid Soda
 

I have moved my undone goals onto my October goals and have decided to add two more new ones to my list.(Look to the side panel) I didn't lose 5 lbs., but that is okay. Numbers don't represent me, it's high time I realize that...

 

 

October has sneaked up on me. I feel like September didn't even happen. I'm just a bit behind, time to kick myself into high gear or at lease play catch up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember When

Sidetracked...

How does one get back on track? Somewhere along the way; years later, I have traveled all kinds of paths, only to realized I have come right back to the same place I began.

It's time to up my game.

How does one go about breaking bad habits? I have yet to figure this one out, but I guess this is as good as a time to figure it out for good!

I remember when I was in my teens .... OH NO! (...not one of those memories) this just reminds me of how much older I am becoming with a 40th birthday coming in November.

Continuing on with my ancient story...
I owned a sticker that has always made me feel unique, ballsy I might say.
It was just a one word sticker....

FEARLESS

 

I want to remember that unique ballsy feeling as I enter this weight game again. This reminds me of those people who said "I can't" and I want to show them I CAN!

 

I want to prove to my own self that I can finally do this and get healthy!



 



Change Accepted

Just a little persuasion, if you will.

A moment of clarity.

I am feeling fearless.

No explanation needed when I'm feeling this awesome.

I don't know what it is, maybe it's the hot weather, maybe it's the acceptance of being simply me, maybe it's the appreciation of the smallest of enjoyment. Whatever it is... I'm ready to step into my weight loss adventure with renewed vigor. I'm tired of the stalling or waiting for the "tomorrows" that are always put off until tomorrow. I'm inspired and in need to PROVE to ME that I can get where I want to be... healthy. I'm ready for change.

If you remember not to long ago, how I have feared change and cringe at the thought of it. Well I'm up for the challenge. If I don't accept change, everything and everyone will move into the next part of their lives and I will forever be left behind wishing alone. I'm embracing the change in my life. It's been unexpected and there is no running away, but to enter head on and know that I am stronger than I think. I have hit road bumps, jumped through flaming hoops, even riding emotional roller coasters, but still I manage to fight and forge on pure hope, faith and trust.

Emotional Wreck

"I get knock down, but I get up again!" Chumbawamba song... how many times does a person have to feel like crap in a lifetime?

I was doing great! I was feeling energized! I was feeling happy!

Was in past tense.

To bring you up to date... I'm full of anger. I'm full of hurt. I'm full of disappointment.

The Emotional Roller-coaster is on nonstop speed and trust me there are highs and lows and loop-da-loops, but I WANT OFF NOW!

The thing is I know why... at the end of June... I will have been separated from my soon to be ex-husband, a year. Since that day life has been a string of unwanted emotions. All I want to do is make peace with myself for feeling like I failed as a mother and wife. I want to make peace with the man I thought was my husband and a father to my daughter. I want relief from all these emotions that seem to sneak up on me at a moments notice.

I want to feel like I did a few months ago... great, energized, happy, where are those emotions?

I know ... they are lurking inside of me. I'm in need of Margaritaville, and even as I think about how nice that would be, I refuse alcohol until these hostile emotions leave me.

I've always known I was a passionate person, but I never knew how overpowering my emotions could over take my normal sanity. I fight everyday to keep from exploding in anger.

I refuse to give up that small spark of hope left inside of me.

HAPPY EASTER YA'LL

 

 

 

 

I have been feeling AWESOME! It's kind of silly when I read my last post in March and I really felt beaten down. Lately I don't feel like that at all. I feel happy.

 

I am not dating someone. I definitely don't need to be in a relationship to complete me. The only relationship I need for me right now is me. Nicely said, if I do say so myself.

 

I found my will and my motivation. I am deliriously ecstatic and about freakin' time!

 

I will be honest, I had to restart LCHF on Monday, March 23, 2015.  The main reason I got right down serious was my right knee was hurting me. I already have knee problems with my left knee after the care accident in December 2012.

 

This scared me straight, the last thing I want to be is a nuisance to my 13 year daughter or my family who already has to deal with so many other things in their life. I do not want to be another add onto their shoulders. I don't want to be an invalid and I want to be able to appreciate my days.

 

I been keeping a journal with me and jotting down little things that I have experienced throughout the first week.

 

 

 

Excuse the chicken scratch... This is what I felt the day before I started, I wrote everything that I was experiencing the day before I restarted my LCHF adventure.

The worsted moment I had on Monday was "The Headache!" The worst headache ever, I felt as if my brain was going to burst. It was terrible. Temptation was STRONG and I was so tired, energy was at its lowest.

 

Compare today and I feel energetic, and relax and dare I say HAPPY again. My knee is definitely so much better compared to the 22 of March.

 

Before I rant anymore, I'll say "Until next time."

Not A Good Day

It's one of those days when shit happens and I feel the weight on my shoulders. I'm feeling stressed.... Why, oh, why can't I get a break?

Day 81 did not go as planned, it was a fail. I am feeling like a LOSER. Kicking myself on why can't I just get this whole eating LCHF right. Not in the zone right now.

A good "Shake It OFF!" might be what I need to do to let go of this day. There is always tomorrow. It's not an all or nothing kind of game. I'll just take a deep breath and let go of my tension.

This is great. 

82 Day Challenge Begins

82 Day Challenge Begins Today

 

I was strick with my carbohydrate intake today. I was feeling exhausted and I slept the majority of the day. I didn't go to work because of my cold.

 

 

This is what my view was when I wasn't sleeping... tissue for my poor nose, a pen and notebook just incase I had a brilliant idea and the remote to watch television. I only used the tissue. I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to watch Food Network channel.

 

Tomorrow I head back to work and try to stay on my LCHF plan. I'm still exhausted so I'm calling it a night.

 

 

 

 

 

My 82 Day Challenge

I've seen better days. I have had one hell of a weekend being sick. I am wishing for my nose to completely die off. I sound nasal and I have to breath through my mouth. Feverish and exhausted, I don't think I'll make an appearance at work tomorrow, especially if I can't get rid of this cold by tonight.

I had high hopes to fill you in on my exciting challenge this morning, but I couldn't get out of bed to head out to the family room to get on the computer. I'm still in bed, I just happened to remember that I have a laptop that has been put away in storage, so I quickly dug it out for a nightly post.

I am officially announcing my 82 DAY CHALLENGE to be inspired by fat. The reason behind this challenge is in 82 days, my best friend and her daughter, and myself and my daughter will be traveling to Colorado Springs, Colorado and it looks like one hell of a walking-kind-of-trip and I for one do not want to be exhausted or feel that I can't push through the day. I'll need energy and I'll need to have my legs to be strong for any kind of distance. I don't want to disappoint myself or any one else on our trip. I'm excited about this trip and it renews my motivation to restart my journey from scratch.

#82DAYCHALLENGE

Start Date: March 2, 2015
End Date:  May 22, 2015

My daily carb count will be under 50 to 20 grams of carbs.
My fat intake will be high.
My protein will be minimal.
I will log my meals. Plan my meals.

My kryptonite is:
BREAD
SODA
SWEETS

My choice of beverage is water.

This is so true, and I'm up for the challenge.

It's Valentine's Day

I woke up with my mind made up that this is going to be a great day. I handed over my Valentine's to my family. I made silver dollar pancakes with pats of butter, drizzled with syrup, a side bacon and sausage patties.

I'm trying, and sometimes that has to count for something... right? I spent yesterday evening thinking that love comes in different forms and right now the most important thing to me is the love of my family and for my family.

T'was The Morning Before Valentine's Day...

It's the day before Valentine's Day and my emotions are running all over the place. The one emotion that does seem to shut the others out: ANGER.

I went to the store this morning and walked in determined towards the Valentine aisle. As I approached I heard a mother tell her son, a boy who looked to be about 7 years old, that one day he "would" be interested in coming down this aisle and he muttered under his breath, "No I won't, ever..."

Funny, because that was how I felt the moment I saw this aisle; hearts galore, a chocoholic's dream come true. This aisle looked as if someone had puked red and pink. You can see where I'm going with this, right?

I went into this store with determination to buy something for my daughter and family, but my heart just wasn't in it. I stood there dumbstruck. I looked to the left, to the right, up and down. Not one clue.

Now let me point out, I have never did anything spectacular on Valentine's Day or receive any thing special from a boyfriend or husband, but for some strange, unexpected reason looking at all the Valentine's on this aisle has left a bitter taste in my day.

WTH!

I almost left empty handed, but I didn't and with no particular thought I grabbed this and that and quickly checked out the aisle of love. I really don't know what to say... have I become one of those cynical, bitter, old frumpy ladies who has had nothing, but disappointing luck with that thing we call "LOVE" and am I ready to crush those who are quickly blinded by "LOVE"? Have I quit believing in love? My mother once told me that love was just a word someone invented and that love really didn't exist. For my peace of mind, I secretly hope that it does exist and love is real.

Forgive this temporary moment of craziness.

Surely, this has nothing to do with today being FRIDAY THE 13TH? Nah.

I'm Prepared

I know what that heading reads... and yes it's true. I spent last night planning my meals for the week. I headed out this morning to the grocery store and bought my items to prepare me for success. Does that mean I'm really prepared? Oh, I hope so.

 

Ever noticed how life's problems don't seem to stop. Just when I think my life is getting to a happy place and then... RED FLAG, CRASH, CRUSHED. This is my life. I hope not everlasting, because I am not sure how much more I can handle without breaking my spirit.

 

I'm tired of being in this stupid funk. A little sunshine, a little hope and lots of prayers is what I need.

 

 

Mediocre, No More

I'm a simple kind of girl who just wants the simple kind of life.

You know that sentence right now sounds heavenly. SIGH

This past week has been a reflection, not a terrible thing to come face to face. The time is right to enjoy this NEW inner me. I kind of like this part of me who is focusing on only me. I don't feel selfish. I feel as if doing this I can enjoy my surroundings more and appreciate the people I love more.

Changing behavior is a slow process. Have you ever notice that? Especially for someone like me. Change is like plunging a dagger to my comfort zone. I dread change. I hate changing what works mediocre for me. I'm tired of settling for mediocre. This is the point in my life when I can't stand the mediocre solutions any more. Why did I ever think it was the best solution? I can't be afraid of the work that has to get me where I really want to be... and being where I want to be is unknown, but for once I'm not afraid to push myself ahead.

 

 

 

2015, Here I Come

Ready or Not.

 

I am more than ready to have 2015 here. I know the next few months are going to be like I'm stepping on rocks just so I won't fall into hot melting lava. That's the picture I've put out there so you know how I feel like today.

 

Here in two weeks I come face to face with my daughter's father. I haven't seen him since she was in 3rd grade and that was 1 time in 2007 that I can remember. It's a child support thing and I honestly had been hoping that I could have been the one to support her with the new life I had built for us, but with another sore spot coming to an end, I know it isn't possible right now.

 

In these weeks coming up I am filing for divorce. It's like being at the center of a crowd and having rocks thrown at me. I had always told myself, that if I had ever married it would be once, forever and it blows me away that I lied to myself. There is no chance in reconciliation. No apologies, no fairy-tale ending of living the happy ever ending love story.

 

I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer", but I do see the positive of this. I not as frail as I lead myself to believe and I have the best kid who is fighting through her own demons. I only hope she knows that each step she takes I'm right there ready to stand in to help with her fight to push past this hurt.

 

I've come up with resolutions this year, which if you don't know by now, I don't like making any, because I usually just toss them into thin air and I forget them.

 

2015 Resolutions:

 

• Budget To Save:  this is new for me. I never even consider saving money.  In the famous words of Dave Ramsey, Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else.
• Write: I have written stories. I just never had the nerve to have anyone read my stories. I fear criticism, but sometimes that's not always a bad thing. Criticism can make me a better writer.
• Travel: This one is going to tricky. I want Annaleigh and myself to see new places. Explore new places, enjoy the simple things.
• Learn a language: This is something I have always wanted to do. French, Chinese have something I have always wanted to learn, but first improve on my Spanish. I would love to be able to have a random conversation with some tourist or myself being a tourist in there neck of the world.
• Move: Right now we are living with my parents. This is tough. Us, Annaleigh and myself, have been an big impact on the lives of my family. I know they welcome us with open arms, but even sharing a bedroom with my daughter had it's disadvantages and I can only imagine a soon- to-be 13 year needs her space too. It's definitely up there with saving!
• LCHF:  Low carb, high fat. That's right I haven't given up on my weight loss. I'm determined, this is what it will take for me to finally conquer my weight. Here's some good news with this I didn't gain the 10 lbs. this year. Again, I'm determined!

Here's to my beginning of 2015! If it's one thing I do know about myself, it's that I don't stand down or quit. There is still a lot of fight in me.